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Deliverance from Allergies

Be not dismayed whatever betide
God will take care of you
Beneath His wings of love abide
God will take care of you
God will take care of you
Through everyday o’er all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you
Through days of toil when heart doth fail
God will take care of you
When dangers fierce your path assail
God will take care of you
God will take care of you
Through everyday o’er all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you (1)

 

As a newborn Caleb was introduced to commercial cow’s milk formula at just 6 weeks of age due to an undetected tongue tie.

Caleb projectile vomited for the first time upon being given caffeine in the pediatric intensive care unit just over a week postpartum. Projectile and excessive vomiting continued at home.

As a newborn the pediatrician told me egg whites in particular were a common allergy for babies, removing egg whites did make a difference in how much Caleb screamed. That was of course until we started to try to bottle feed, thank God for the special needs bottle!

On February 24, 2017 Caleb’s general pediatrician recommended I buy wheat baby cereal and put it in Caleb’s bottles to help his food stay down in his tummy to try to stop the vomiting and silent reflux. When we got home from getting the cereal as I parked the truck a very strong feeling of dread came all over my body. I sat there for a moment analyzing this feeling and thinking about the box of wheat baby cereal we had just went through what felt like climbing a mountain to get. I decided to listen to my God-given mother’s intuition and not add it to the bottles…

On March 15, 2017, Caleb’s Pediatric Gastroenterologist (G.I.) recognized immediately, before anyone else, that Caleb was allergic to corn, within just a few minutes of meeting. He also told me he didn’t think Neocate would work as I had just started the trial the night before. He was right about both!

Between 3 and 5 months of age, Caleb had a constant scaly red patch of skin between his eyes and suffered from silent reflux.

Caleb had a series of x-ray studies done of his esophagus and the opening to his stomach in addition to another series he had been through in February for analyzing his swallow.

At first Caleb’s body accepted Ready to Feed Alimentum (RTF Alimentum), a highly processed commercial formula created by hydrolyzing (pre-digesting) cow’s milk and the red patch and reflux went away…but then they came back and worse. His reflux got to the point that it would come up into his sinuses and out his nose! It was really bad.

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Caleb’s red excema patch between his eyes was accompanied by severe silent reflux, both went away with the removal of cow’s milk protein.

In May 2017 I credit God for helping me to “win the lottery” by getting a diet for myself that worked with Caleb so he could get away from formula, which was obviously not working, and back on his mother’s milk.

On May 25, 2017 Caleb tested positive for wheat, but just a trace positive. If I had been giving him wheat protein every bottle every few hours day and night for 13 weeks as originally instructed to do…that could have been an anaphylactic test result. The more the body is exposed to an allergen, the more sensitive it becomes and the more extreme the immune response. Praise God for our gift of intuition.

During the summer of 2017, since Caleb had tested negative to pork, chicken and cashews I invested in the highest quality corn free soy free local pork and chicken, organically raised and freshly butchered. I also bought organic cashews online and dutifully soaked and dehydrated them…vomiting and hives from the pork, bad poo poo from the chicken and terrible crazy diarrhea that just would not go away from the cashews…Except these symptoms wouldn’t start right away so it would make it confusing. I would think a food was working and after a week add a new food but then all of a sudden symptoms were happening. He was developing new allergies at a delayed rate as I introduced new food proteins into my diet! 

Sometime during that summer I also tried to add chocolate back into my diet, organic dark chocolate of course! Hives. Chocolate was out for mom.

In June or July 2017 I found that I was able to give Caleb, without an issue, egg yolk. Although he gagged on it if it was not watered into a liquid (I now know because of his tongue tie which was finally discovered on July 23, 2017 – a HUGE answer to prayer).

On July 26 I wrote “Allergy update: I tried to eat one cherry and one grape cause I love cherries, he got hives, too early too fast. He is gagging and unable to eat the thick baby food due to the tongue tie so we are going to stick with just broth and breastmilk for awhile longer and I will remain restricted. I also need to avoid chicken I found in addition to the pork, wheat, egg whites, dairy, corn, and salicylates. BUT his stools have improved as long as I keep allergens out and broth going in, he had a thick, creamy and a few “seeds” this past week (thank you LORD). I did try some sheep yogurt after which made sour and runny again, so I just need to be patient, long suffering, trusting, praying and PRAISING the Lord to get us through.”

Sometime in August or September 2017 Caleb had an extreme vomiting reaction to egg yolk. I didn’t realize it was the egg yolk at first as it had been a safe food for us for awhile. When I re-trialed a tiny amount though, the same thing plus diarrhea! Egg yolk was now out too!

As mentioned in my “Healing a Tongue Tie” blog, the Lord provided a prayer team of people to carry Caleb and I through. I got this message right when I needed it in August 2017, a message from a very powerful prayer warrior named Laverne:

“Thank you Lord for Caleb. Thank you Lord for Caleb this child shall be great before You and shall do exploits in Your name. I decree that no sickness or plague will come upon Caleb, in the name of Jesus. I decree soundness, health and wholeness into the spirit, soul and body of Caleb, in the name of Jesus. I speak wholeness, soundness and perfection into the heart, eyes, ears Skin, bones, teeth of Caleb, in the name of Jesus. Let the respiratory, digestive and circulatory systems of little Caleb be normal, strong and healthy, in the name of Jesus. I bind every negative reports from whoever in the name of Jesus. Lord, fill the parents with Your joy, glory, peace and love in the name of Jesus. Lord, keep your covering over this precious child that you love so dearly thank you Lord for hearing this prayer amen. Will keep praying especially over Caleb food.  Naomi, keep asking the Holy Spirit for guidance on what to feed little Caleb.  Blessing upon you and your family! Love Laverne! Hallelujah hallelujah it is well with little Caleb!”

I knew Laverne was right. I needed to ask God for specific guidance. I needed to know very specifically from Him what foods and how to prepare those foods so my son could be blessed by food, not cursed. Sure we could have just let things get to the point where invasive medical procedures began again, but I didn’t want to get there. So I approached God’s throne of grace, petitioning Him for His help daily…and just like He led the way for the tongue tie to be revealed He began to lead the way for how to get Caleb out of this mess. He tenderly and gracefully addressed our needs for health by providing answers for not only our physical needs, but also by providing answers for our mental and spiritual health as well, even with things that were way off my radar as I was very focused working with my son’s therapists each week and on trying to make progress with food. In fact the answers from God came into our lives so intertwined together that the physical I feel is inseparable from the mental or the spiritual answers. We needed them all.

My first clue came through two free DNA stool analyses for Caleb showing a comparison that revealed how vitally important it was for Caleb to have prebiotics (foods that feed probiotics) in his diet since we were relying so heavily on lamb stock and fat. Caleb needed his breastmilk sugars and he needed alternatives as well, complex fibers or carbohydrates of some sort. This was all very encouraging as my mother’s intuition had always told me how important my breastmilk was for my baby and now I had another confirmation of that. I had been struggling with my intuition since some well intentioned women were encouraging me to wean my son, but I just didn’t feel like that was what God wanted me to do. Getting that confirmation through those tests were good for Caleb and I both mentally and relationally as well since breastmilk continued to bond us at a deep level even if it were through a pump and bottle, we were trying back to breast efforts still as well.

God didn’t stop there, His answers continued to come and they came big as we journeyed up and out of the hole we had fallen into…but it did take some time and there were discouraging patches along the way, like in December 2017, right after his first birthday, Caleb ate a crumb of a wheat pretzel. This resulted in mucus for poop. Things kind of stayed discouraging until March when we made some major progress only to have afterwards a step back again. The ebb and flow was real. Like the pushing stage of labor all over again. I was ready for the birth of our deliverance.

On April 2018 after getting some more patch allergy testing I was nervous to try the ones that he tested negative for because of how Caleb had developed new allergies the last time I followed that road. I knew in my mother’s heart there had to be a way to address the root issue of all of this! I didn’t want to create new allergies but I needed a solution, my son needed a variety of foods for a sound nutritional diet. A solution that would feel right to my mommy’s heart. I needed that answer to prayer. I still needed God’s continued guidance. Thankfully juicing vegetables really became a major help and another stepping stone up and out for us. I began introducing all sorts of foods via the juicer which Caleb could swallow without gagging and they were easy and quick for him to digest. I juiced all kinds of veggies to get a power-shot of energy and vitamins into Caleb’s body and to help expand his diet. I started to try to add coconut oil to Caleb’s veggie juice and at first it was fine, but eventually on July 18, 2018 Caleb reacted with vomiting and again with a retrial. I was able to continue the juicing without the coconut oil. But my cry stayed before the throne of the Almighty God.

Summer 2018 rolled around and after relying heavily on lamb stock to supplement breastmilk Caleb’s body became ultra sensitive to meat and meat stock by getting hives from leftovers or from meat and meat stock that was cooked too long. I had started cooking a fresh thing of meat and its stock every night in a dutch oven and then flash freezing his meals every night for the next day and then defrosting for every meal in order to avoid hives. It was a lot to do every day! At the very same time I felt convicted by God to start trying to get out and make other mom friends and Caleb needed to start making friends too. My response to this was “how on earth am I supposed to have time to do that Lord?” I still needed to pump, I needed to do all that cooking, I needed to clean bottles and maintain as much order in my house as possible, and adding “social-time” in didn’t really feel like it was something I could swing or even a priority for that matter! However, the conviction persisted so I obeyed God and reached out to another mom I had met online and who also was following a lot of the same natural food ideas for her children too. She was also a Christian and a military spouse. We could relate on so many levels. She was another Godsend. God began to address mine and Caleb’s health by giving me a friend who was a blessing beyond blessings. Someone who could understand me and who was already there and actually well ahead of me in the trenches. She was another mother-warrior fighting for her children on her knees in prayer and on her bare feet in the kitchen. I just have to take a moment to say I am barefoot and proud. I wear my baby on my hip as a prized jewel. Our babies are precious beyond any paper degree or monetary income. If and when I can I will gladly pour myself out as a mother at home in the kitchen, changing diapers, kissing yayas (Spanish slang for owies) and cleaning up the 10-millionth mess of the day. God bless mother’s of all walks of life, working or stay-at-home, but there is no shame in staying at home.

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Caleb playing in the water mid-July at our first play date with our dear friends (not pictured). Alaska is a beautiful place to have a play date!

Laverne’s prayer was coming to fruition as my new friend introduced me to a fermentation system called Pickl-It. I had seen a brief improvement in Caleb’s situation when in March of 2017 I was able to work up to getting 2-3 tablespoons of commercial unpasteurized sauerkraut juice in him per meal and had been able to introduce a lot of food proteins with no problem, pretty much all vegetables (this was before I started juicing). However, we experienced a major setback when following instructions from some certified GAPS professionals online, I tried a fermented garlic brine recipe they provided and personally guided me through. I used a starter and fermented it for about a week. Caleb really like the brine and wanted a lot of it, but then his poor baby mouth broke out in some sort of reaction causing him to have a painful tongue and mouth. I had to pull that and the kraut juice. We struggled to get back to where we had been and although Caleb had been able to eat broccoli with 2-3 tablespoons of saurkraut juice he was unable to without…this was a clue, he needed ferments, but I needed a better solution, for us the mason jar even with a fancy lid didn’t cut it, we needed something else.

THANK GOD FOR PICKL-IT.

Rutabaga, pumpkin, beet kvass, rainbow carrot, red onion, french fries and pumpkin juice.

Pickl-It. Anaerobic fermentation. Pickl-It garlic cannot even be consumed until it has fermented for 6 months, saurkraut, 3 months (most ferments are moved to a fridge after being on counter for up to a week). Thankfully beet kvass took only only 21 days to prepare. Caleb’s body easily accepted EVERY Pickl-It fermented foodstuff. Pickl-It beet kvass was our game changer. Caleb and I were both able to easily add every food protein his body had not had a reaction to with ease, as long as it was fermented in the Pickl-It jar. Rice, lentils, potatoes, and so much more. I started to ferment everything, even safe foods from before like rutabaga and asparagus to maximize nutrients. Fermentation makes all foods easier to digest and the vitamins and nutrients more bio-available as I’ve learned from reading information from the founder, Kathleen. Her son recovered from having early-childhood schizophrenia and autism…because of prayer and Pickl-It (2). Kathleen has also shared with her customers that she was  unexpectedly rid of her severe cat allergy through Pickl-It fermented foods! The Pickl-It jar is truly airtight as opposed to the mason jar. This creates a higher quality ferment with a higher ratio of lactic acid bacteria versus acetic acid (acetic acid burns).

I should mention that in September 2018, shortly after starting Pickl-It, I introduced home-rendered cow’s ghee. I must not have strained it well enough resulting in traces of cow’s milk protein present in the ghee because Caleb got mucus for poop along with a trace of blood. I withdrew the cow’s milk protein and kept on focusing on what I knew worked, Pickl-It foods and goat ghee plus grass-fed lamb, bison and beef.

On September 28, 2017 I got another clue about Caleb’s physical needs after he got terrible stools from scraping a bowl I used to make fat bombs with honey…I re-trialed by increasing fat alone and got the same results. Ironically in my quest to get as much fattening foods into Caleb as possible too much fat caused problems too! I thanked the Lord for showing me everything I needed to know to custom tailor Caleb’s diet just for his body.

As Caleb and I continued to add more and more foods with Pickl-It. We finally began to feel like life could be a little bit more normal. Still I hated knowing that if I messed up on timing for ferments or if I made a mistake with a staple that we could be left too short on food. Then another friend shared with me a pastor online. She said “God will send you to the right sermon”. I ended up watching several of his sermons, one of them about spiritual warfare. At the end of the sermon the pastor tells about a time that a mom of a four year old boy brought her son to him for prayer because the boy had a LOT of allergies. The pastor followed his simple method for deliverance using spiritual warfare and the little boy went home and was completely delivered from all allergies! I was telling my sister about this on the drive to her house after Caleb and I flew down a few weeks ago and then lo and behold the very first sermon at her church in her little town of only 3,000 people was specifically about the same type of spiritual warfare that the pastor had talked about online, also there had been a sermon recently with the same exact sermon topic at my church in Alaska. I was wondering, “Lord, what are you trying to tell me?”.

The Spiritual. I decided to go visit the pastor that preached the sermon at my sister’s church. He admitted to me that the sermon was out of his comfort zone but agreed to pray for Caleb. He invited me to pray over Caleb too after he was done. I did. I prayed. I followed the advice from the sermon I had watched online and I repented for any authority I had given to anything else when Caleb was in the womb. I had struggled with fear and anxiety about my baby’s well-being throughout my pregnancy because it had taken me 5 years and 3 IUIs to get pregnant. I had a dream the week Caleb was born that a big scary fast black spider crawled onto my belly while I was sleeping and pierced through into my baby, i hit “it away” so hard that I woke myself up by slapping my belly… I repented for any way that this fear and anxiety could have given authority to any other spirit than the Holy Spirit and I prayed for the Holy Spirit alone to have authority in my son’s body and for him to be healed from all his allergies, in the name and by the blood of Jesus! Preparing for my meeting with the pastor I also went through some prayers ahead of time sent to me at the perfect time by another friend without me asking her, they were dealing with topics that the spiritual warfare sermons I had watched online dealt with too.

That spider in my dream the week Caleb was born might have pierced him but Jesus was pierced and hung onto the tree so that Caleb could be delivered from all plans or works of the enemy. (see 1 John 3:8)

Deliverance.

After this prayer time with the pastor I decided to follow the advice I had received from some of Caleb’s doctors to periodically retrial some of his allergens. We went home and I, in faith, ordered some pork, dairy, chicken and eggs to trial, I tried ordering the highest quality possible. I planned to slowly start trialing his allergen foods beginning Saturday. Well we didn’t make it that long. Friday morning I was curling my hair and overheard my niece tattling to her mom/my sister that Caleb was eating her Cap’n Crunch which she eats with cow’s milk!…I literally skidded on the wood floors trying to get to the dining room fast enough, but I was too late Caleb was sitting on the dining room table with highly processed cereal dye-colored cow’s milk running down his chin! I decided instead of running out to buy activated charcoal pills to wait and see what happened since the pastor and I had prayed over Caleb for him to be healed of his allergies with only the Holy Spirit in control. About an hour after eating highly processed cow’s milk infused with Cap’n Crunch he had a beautiful brown stool. He had not had a healthy stool with cow’s milk since he was a 3 months old! So I started feeling a bit braver and while we were at a car dealership for my sister in Louisville I decided to let him have some Dove mint hot chocolate in water (his first direct exposure to chocolate), then at a family fun center later he was refusing his banana I had brought but we were both hungry so I let him have some tater tots, barbecue sauce and a tiny bit of my sister’s Diet Coke…healthy poops continued!! So the next morning I actually let him drink cow’s milk, eat butter, and a little bit of egg and it was fine! He was not reacting! Then he had bacon and chicken! He has now trialed all previous allergens and so far so good! Praise God.

Caleb enjoying cow’s milk.

Deliverance. My son has been delivered. He still has some sensitivities that I have observed from letting him eat too many unfermented factory-processed foods, but he CAN eat them on occasion if he has to and will not have an over-reactive immune response in his intestines or otherwise. Pickl-It began as an answered prayer for Kathleen and her son, then it became our answer to prayer too. We are now successfully even doing Pickl-It Sourdough, pancakes, rolls, and even sourdough banana bread. Amazing. I’m getting ready to make my first batch of sourdough cinnamon rolls, hopefully they come out good! My baby will get to have an actual cake on his third birthday. Hallelujah. We have waited a long time for this. I can even look forward to making sourdough pizza with fermented veggies and fermented marinara sauce along with his favorite meats!

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Caleb enjoying Pickl-It sourdough pancakes and cow’s milk kefir in February 2019.

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This was Caleb’s “cake” from his second birthday. Fermented purple sweet potato never looked so good! Along with dates, honey and a maple syrup drizzle it tasted good too!

Pastor Jared was glad enough to take a photo with Caleb at a potluck event at the church called Kill It and Grill It. Not so sure Caleb felt the same about the photo but he had a lot of fun at the event, we got to taste things like raccoon BBQ, squirrel dumplings, pheasant dumplings and more! Caleb really liked the deer. What a cool event that we would not have gone to if it were not for God’s deliverance for Caleb. May God bless Pastor Jared, his wife and children with an abundance of His Spirit, Power and Might in Jesus’ name.

We are on our way out. We have left allergies behind and in Jesus name we will leave all sensitivities behind too. I continue to claim perfectly beautiful poop as God intended for my son to have at the beginning in Jesus’ name. God fights for my son. He sees inside Caleb’s body. He knows what my son’s body needs. I listen for His answers to prayer. He leads me to friends, to doctors, to therapists and to pastors, He leads me where we need to go. He is the Good Shepherd.

Hallelujah.

My body has been blessed as well. I don’t even have to wash my face and my skin is still clear and beautiful. I have naturally regular cycles for the first time in my life and the debilitating painful menstrual cycles are gone. If I eat too many potatoes the pain and the acne start to come back. These are clues, my body talking to me that my health too is found in a big way through anaerobic fermented food. I have faith that I will be able to conceive again, naturally this time and this time I will be ready. I will be drinking kefir every day and consuming fermented foods every regular meal , Lord-willing. I will bless and honor my body with the food it eats and the bodies of my children with God-honoring foods.

God didn’t just lead me to fermented foods, He led me to Him, He led me to perfectly matched Christian friends and He provided amazing medical professionals to support Caleb’s body with therapy and sound advice. We are made up of body, mind and spirit. I truly believe that we cannot attain true health without the Holy Spirit ruling supreme over our members physical, mental and spiritual. In Christ we are truly balanced. In Him we can truly thrive. My pastor in Alaska taught last summer that we reflect God not only with our physical image but also in that we are tri-part beings made up of the physical, the mind (emotion, imagination and intellect) and the spirit. He taught that it was important for our physical bodies and our minds to come under the authority of the Holy Ghost in order to fulfill God’s plans for us. For Caleb and I, I feel like God’s plan on our lives includes a requirement for a healthy body and a healthy mind under that leadership of the Holy Spirit. For example, my infertility was directly getting in the way of God’s calling on my life to be a mother but I now know that what I eat has a lot to do with how fertile I am! I strongly feel that Caleb and I are called to be as healthy as we possibly can mentally, physically and spiritually as an act of worship toward the One Who gave us life and our body to begin with.

How can God help you today? What are you facing that He can set you free from? He may do it miraculously all at once at the altar…or He may tell you to make a new friend and to try a fermentation system in addition to prayer like he did for me. However it may look like for you, trust Him. Seek Him. Cry out to Him. Bless Him.

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” Revelation 12:11

“But thus saith the LORD, Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered: for I will contend with him that contendeth with thee, and I will save thy children.” Isaiah 49:25

Caleb enjoying some food while running errands with mom. Freedom!

References:
1. Songwriters: Jeremy Bose / Tiffany Arbuckle Lee

2. Read Kathleen’s (Pickl-It Founder) Story here:

part 1:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2011/10/autism-schizophrenia-and-nutrition-heartbreak-hope/

part 2:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2011/10/autism-schizophrenia-and-nutrition-ants-in-my-brain/

Part 3:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2011/10/autism-schizophrenia-and-nutrition-a-child-thrives/

Part 4:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2011/10/autism-schizophrenia-and-nutrition-an-expert-agrees/

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Healing a Tongue Tie

Rehabilitation from tongue tie can take time. For many, true healing requires a team of people to support them at a physical, spiritual and relational level.

The Trauma

For some, one of the hardest things to heal from a tongue tie is the trauma. Between my son’s traumatic birth, the far reaching negative affects of the tongue tie on our life including his hospitalization in the PICU at 7 days of age, and all of the food reactions due to the medical damage and the resulting limited diet that my son and I have been on now for over a year I have had a pretty traumatic introduction to motherhood (I am still pumping breastmilk for him so my diet has been deeply affected as well). At first I didn’t recognize the trauma for what it was but have since been able to identify the trauma as well as some of the triggers. When my son first advanced past gagging on contact with a spoon and started gagging with food in his mouth during occupational therapy I would sometimes have to leave the room because my heart would begin to race and the fear and the panic felt like a wave hitting me out of nowhere. This was in a safe environment under the care of a therapist that helps with feeding and gagging all of the time. This is trauma. Mournful tears welling up uncontrollably just from driving by the hospital where Caleb was born a few weeks before his first birthday is trauma. My son’s first birthday was a particularly hard trigger for me because it is a natural time of reflection on everything that you and your baby experienced together during their first year and the trauma from everything that was taken from us by misguided medical and nutritional care came to head in the weeks leading up to his birthday. I have joked in passing with my son’s occupational therapist that I needed a therapist too…and I actually am getting ready to go visit a Christian counselor to help me even further as I pursue complete healing and rehabilitation in the Lord. I am really thankful that Dr. Ghaheri, an ENT that specializes in tongue tie, speaks to the emotional impact that tongue tie can have on both mothers and babies.

“Mom has an inherent instinct to nourish her child, and a disruption in that desire can have profound psychological impacts.” Dr. Bobby Ghaheri (1)

I can attest to this statement one hundred percent, not only in the context of tongue tie inhibiting the ability to breastfeed but the detrimental affect it has had on my ability to feed my son in general. Our problems transferred from the breast to the bottle and then to solids not just with gagging but picky eating and texture aversions as well. While we have a lot to be thankful for and God has been so good to us, this struggle to do the most basic thing: to nourish my son, certainly has taken a toll on me as a person and on the quality of life that our family experiences. Something as simple as sharing our regular meals together as a family has become a mountain. Praise God that we can say to that mountain move and it will move…and believe me, I am telling that mountain MOVE! in Jesus name and I know it will!

I am supposed to be able to instinctually nourish and care for my baby with my body starting in utero and then at birth with breastmilk and tongue tie has the capacity to attack a mom in this arena (remember not all tongue tied babies have trouble nursing). When a mother is attacked in this way so is her baby, at their most vulnerable time in life and at their most basic instinct at birth, which is to suckle at their mother’s breast for nourishment, as Dr. Ghaheri valiantly points out for infants:

 “I maintain that babies who have difficulty with breastfeeding are actively in distress, similar to the abandoned baby. A basic human function (like parental proximity during sleep OR breastfeeding easily) becomes disrupted, and cortisol levels can rise…It’s time that medical professionals start to look at breastfeeding as an important developmental process rather than a stair step to getting a baby to grow physically…We need to focus on the neurologic and psychiatric well being of infants in addition to their moms. Our current system is failing the dyad from the emotional aspect, and we need to examine what happens as a result of that failure.” Dr. Ghaheri (1)

Taking Off the Trauma

Earlier this year God revealed to me that part of my continued feeding struggle with Caleb was indeed linked to trauma. He showed me that Caleb had a mask of trauma around his mouth and face. I asked God what I should do. He told me “Take it off”. God’s power can do that and He is leading me in the charge to stand against trauma in the name of Jesus and in defense of my son’s well being. A weighty thing about being a mother or a father is that God has given us spiritual authority over our children and with the Holy Spirit residing in me I can be led by God to bless my child and be given power and authority to remove things like trauma from my baby’s face, from his mouth, from his mind and from his heart. Praise the Lord, my GOD is BIGGER.

I also praise the Lord with all my heart that He has provided for Caleb a team of people that respect me, respect my intuition and decisions for my son, and who take tongue tie seriously. As I mentioned in my last two posts, we went through a lot of medical professionals before discovering the tie and while many were truly kind and caring some of them were very degrading. What makes matters worse for many tongue tie mothers is that they face this kind of degradation not only in the doctor’s office but away from it as well, even from people they should be able to trust at their most vulnerable times. I have found that being around people that act from a place of misunderstanding and lack of empathy compounds the trauma I experience and increases the curve for healing. I noticed a few months back that when I leave my son’s Occupational Therapy session that I feel uplifted, positive and happier because just talking to his therapist each week reminds me that I am not alone, she sees what I see. She is so valuable not only for my son’s physical rehabilitation but also for my emotional healing. Surrounding yourself with therapists, medical professionals and people in general that are of the same mind helps to heal trauma. I also thank God for the godly friends that He has given me, friends that love me and who have not dismissed me or my experiences, who have been there for me and even those that God has been so kind to provide that can relate because of their similar experiences. Praise God.

Physical Healing

Healing of course must be supported physically as well. That is where our “dream team” shines. Through both the first and second frenectomy Caleb’s improvements have been aided along by his valuable team of medical professionals that God has assembled for my precious little one. Having an experienced release provider in our same city was a Godsend as well as my son’s physical therapist, occupational therapist (who also is his cranial sacral therapist), and his chiropractor all of whom have helped Caleb to physically be set free from tongue tie. I also thank the Lord for the primary care doctor God provided for Caleb who not only takes his gut health very seriously but who also encouraged me to face my fears and get Caleb’s tongue tie revised when I was having doubts.

We visited Caleb’s holistic dentist recently for his regular check up and she got really serious when we were talking about Caleb’s occupational therapy. She told me that Caleb’s occupational therapist had changed his life for the better in ways we can’t even begin to imagine and that she is having to regularly work with adults who did not get such early intervention and have suffered a lot of the consequences of an untreated tongue tie, untreated tongue thrust, sleep apnea, etc. I truly agree with Caleb’s dentist. Caleb’s occupational therapist has dedicated herself to the hard work of addressing his ultra-sensitive gag reflexes, his food trauma, his low facial muscle tone, his highly uncoordinated suck-swallow-breathe pattern, tongue thrust and more through occupational and cranial sacral therapy techniques which have been a life-changing blessing.

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Caleb with his Christian chiropractor. 

Caleb didn’t roll until 8 months, just after his frenum was first lasered which included multiple chiropractor visits. He also began climbing the stairs within 24 hours of his first or second chiropractic visit. As mentioned in past posts Caleb felt like a loose noodle immediately after his first frenectomy because of the tightness the restricted oral tissues caused in his body. The tongue muscles stretch surprisingly far into the neck, and tongue tie has a surprising affect on the body via fascia. These muscle and fascia tensions pull on bones and muscles in ways that contribute to imbalance. I do believe that the combination of a frenectomy, physical therapy and chiropractic adjustments are what helped Caleb finally roll at 8 months. He didn’t stay on the ground much longer after that though ’cause he also started walking just a month or so later at an early 9 months 3 weeks! Go Caleb!

God knew that Caleb needed physical therapy early on and he provided this therapist in Caleb’s life through a special connection. The early intervention has made a huge difference in the quality of Caleb’s life. One of the very first interventions was the introduction of a Nuk pacifier to help him strengthen his facial muscles (Caleb was identified as having low facial muscle tone by both his PT and OT). Caleb could not use a soothie because it so easily fell out of his mouth and if he did manage to keep it in he would swallow so much air from using it that he would scream and scream. The Nuk also helped shape his palate which was identified as being high-arched by the lactation consultant very early-on. Since his tongue had not been in proper contact with his palate in utero the palate formed wrong and the Nuk was able to do what Caleb’s tongue couldn’t do, make full contact. When we finally made it to the release dentist just shy of 8 months he praised the fact that we had been using the Nuk because of it’s help to the palate formation. A person’s palate continues to grow and develop through toddlerhood, a tongue is supposed to play the most vital part in shaping it correctly, that is why so many kids and adults that have tongue tie also have sleep-disordered breathing (apnea) and/or nasal airways. Many of these kids and adults end up having to get nasal surgeries to try to open airways and reduce sinus infections, adenoids removed, use of a CPAP machine at night and more. Caleb’s physical therapist also addressed his torticollis at a very early age and supported the dentist’s frenectomy by supporting proper positioning of the jaw and helping to both address the tone of the tongue base as well as release the tight base of his posterior tongue. The physical therapists also spend a lot of time working on Caleb’s hips because just like “what you get at the lips you get at the hips” is applicable during birth it is true for babies while eating as well. A tight mouth and a tight pelvis go hand in hand. Releasing the pelvis helps release the mouth. Vestibular insecurity was something else that both Caleb’s PT and OT identified and have worked on with him using various swings and physical maneuvers to strengthen him in this area since he was a late roller and also experienced high cortisol levels and fight or flight throughout infancy due to the tongue tie and invasive medical treatments which resulted in traumatic food reactions on top of the choking and gagging etc. that he already experienced from the ties. There is a lot more that both Caleb’s occupational and physical therapists have accomplished for Caleb through early intervention, more than I will ever know I am sure. As one of my son’s physical therapists puts it “the baby’s mouth is the first place a child learns motor skills, and sensory skills. If this is compromised due to positioning problems or timing, or strength problems it can have an impact on further development” (2).

And the Spiritual: Ka-POW! Take that Tongue Tie.

In addition to a team of medical professionals that take me, my son and his tongue tie seriously God also provided for Caleb and I a prayer team that I could turn to for help even when I felt I couldn’t turn to anyone else. I have been at the precipice of hopelessness in our medical or feeding situation, I email this team and within 24 hours, boom God moves. I can never thank God enough for them or their prayers. The prayers from this anointed team have been critically important to Caleb’s healing and victory over all that the enemy has thrown at him already in his first 21 months (Caleb’s guardian angel sure hasn’t been bored, I can say that for sure!). From God healing Caleb’s oxygen saturation issues before things got even more invasive to Him giving one of the member’s a vision of Caleb with Jesus standing over him with His hand on Caleb’s chest, protecting his oxygen and airways before the healing…I should mention I was praying specifically for his oxygen that morning and I hadn’t talked to this member since before Caleb was born and that afternoon she gets a vision and emails me. God is amazing. God has given these prayer team members words of command from God, words of encouragement, all very timely in miraculous ways. I am in complete awe still at these experiences, humbled and so thankful.

Jesus Heals a Tongue Tie

While Jesus may not have healed Caleb’s tongue tie in the same manner that he did for the man in the gospel of Mark…I can truly say Jesus has healed my son’s tongue tie. If it were not for Him I would never have known Caleb was tongue tied to begin with! If it wasn’t for Him I would not have won the Owlet oxygen monitor on Instagram right before Caleb was born, if it was not for him…the list goes on and on (See my post Dayenu for more of the great things God has done for Caleb). The Holy Spirit victoriously led me to find out about a generational birth defect that has gone undetected for almost one hundred years on my mother’s side (See my post Great and Hidden Things). I just thank and Praise the Lord everyday that He is has been there with me through it all, encouraging me, sustaining me and guiding Caleb and I up out of the pit. He was there every time Caleb’s medical grade oxygen alarm went off in the middle of the night, He was there as Caleb continued to not sleep day after day after week and He alone understands the severity of sleep deprivation I was facing as I began to cry out for help only to be misunderstood by multiple people. He was there every time Caleb choked, gagged, or projectile vomited and He is the Cleft in the Rock Who loves me more than life itself. I hide myself in Him. I hide myself in His love for me and in His love for others. He will contend with those that contend with me and HE will save my children. In Jesus’ name, so be it.

“And again, departing from the coasts of Tyre and Sidon, he came unto the sea of Galilee, through the midst of the coasts of Decapolis. And they bring unto him one that was deaf, and had an impediment in his speech; and they beseech him to put his hand upon him. And he took him aside from the multitude, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spit, and touched his tongue; And looking up to heaven, he sighed, and saith unto him, Ephphatha, that is, Be opened. And straightway his ears were opened, and the string of his tongue was loosed, and he spake plain.” Mark 7:31-35

Blessed be the name of the LORD.



Resources:
1. BREASTFEEDING PROBLEMS CAN AFFECT THE EMOTIONAL HEALTH OF MOM AND BABY
https://www.drghaheri.com/blog/2014/11/14/breastfeeding-problems-can-affect-the-emotional-health-of-mom-and-baby-1

2. Considering Breastfeeding/Early Infant Feeding a Developmental Milestone by Karen Adams

3. Tongue-Tied: How a Tiny String Under the Tongue Impacts Nursing, Speech, Feeding, and More by Dr. Richard Baxter
https://www.amazon.com/Tongue-Tied-String-Impacts-Nursing-Feeding/dp/1732508208

4. When Did It Become OK to Stop Listening to Mothers?
https://www.facebook.com/DrGhaheriMD/posts/when-did-it-become-ok-to-stop-listening-to-mothersan-integral-part-of-any-patien/923606461134064/

5. BREASTFEEDING DIFFICULTY AND FAMILY SUPPORT
https://www.drghaheri.com/blog/2014/2/10/breastfeeding-difficulty-and-family-support

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Tongue Tie, Travesty & Love

This part 2 in my tongue tie series.

I need to once again make sure God gets mad glory for showing me the great and hidden thing that caused us so much turmoil and damage…the tongue tie, the thing that none of our pediatricians knew! God tore away the veil and showed me something that has been oppressing mothers and babies for generations in my family. Still it is troubling to wonder how it was possible for an OBGYN (which by the way our OB was an answer to another prayer!), postnatal nurses tasked to aide with breastfeeding, a lactation consultant (who was so caring and sweet), four regular pediatricians (one of which was also a certified lactation consultant who in addition to learning symptoms visually examined my damaged breast), ER staff, an intensive care unit pediatrician, a pediatric pulmonologist, wound care staff, therapists who were also really caring for Caleb but one of which we saw every week for feeding, my primary doctor (who I consulted for mastitis and breastfeeding problems), my dentist (who I asked about Caleb’s tongue thrust and who told me his wife had a similar breastfeeding experience and also had to supplement), a pediatric gastroenterologist, an internal medicine allergist, and a pediatric allergist…how could all of these medical professionals have missed Caleb’s tongue and lip tie? Not to mention all of the previous pediatricians and doctors for the family members who came before us (see post Great and Hidden Things)!?

The Travesty

While it is especially important that I reiterate that I do not want even a hint of bitterness or unforgiveness to be in my heart or words, I do feel the need to share the following, again not in anger or slander, but as a warning that will hopefully protect someone else’s life and well being. I seek to hide myself in Christ’s compassion, love and grace toward every person…

Firstly, the historical impact of the formula companies and the shift from midwifery to hospital births both have a lot to do with the devastating gap in knowledge and therefore a great lack in treatment. For decades the influence of the formula industry’s advertising as a viable alternative to mother’s milk resulted in pediatricians automatically referring mothers who experienced feeding difficulties to the bottle, that is if they hadn’t already chose the bottle due to cultural popularity. Even in early 2017, when I reached out to doctors I was never told about Human Milk 4 Human Babies or Eats on Feets, two ways I could have supplemented Caleb with donor breastmilk as I got my supply back up (I went from having chronic clogged ducts and mastitis to almost no milk at at all due to the tongue tie). I was simply told that if tolerated to get Similac Pro-Advance. As I noted in my first tongue tie post, formula companies began directly advertising to pediatricians in the 1940s and then in 1959 began even providing free formula to hospitals and pediatricians as part of their overall marketing strategy…which worked (1,2)! Breastfeeding had to be “saved” through counter movements such as the Nestlé boycott of 1977 (1). Although Caleb had extreme difficulties even with bottle feeding many tied babies are able to thrive with a bottle (not to mention all of the tied babies that can actually breastfeed!), as a result many tongue ties were not caught for decades and the training for how to screen for them became obsolete. At the same time more and more women were convinced that hospital births were safer and they began to entrust their deliveries to OBGYNs who were not trained to check for and cut tongue ties at birth. Historically midwives would cut the tie immediately to allow the newborn infant to suckle. Dr. Richard Baxter shares in his book “Tongue Tied”, that an obstetrician textbook from the 1600s specifically instructs how to check an infant for a tie at birth and if present calls for a surgeon to cut it. (3) Sadly, between the shift toward hospital births, a cultural pushback against all surgeries for a time that started in the 1850s (4) and the aggressive marketing of formula during the last century (1,2) the void in how to check for and treat ties was complete and too many pediatricians, OBGYNs, and both occupational and speech therapists to this day are still not properly trained in the subject of tongue and lip tie in school or fellowship. As a result most modern standards of care do not include a proper, if any, evaluation for tongue tie. An exception is in the country of Brazil where, by law, infants must be evaluated for tongue tie at birth. (5)

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In addition to the lack of proper education the political hierarchy of the medical system gets in the way too. Dr. Ghaheri, an ENT who specializes in tethered oral tissues, shares that shockingly some hospitals today actually have gag orders on lactation consultants so they cannot tell a mother she and baby are suffering because of a tongue or lip tie (7)! This is incredulous and after having gone through the trauma I went through with my baby down right cruel and dangerously negligent. Primary doctors get offended when a lactation consultant catches the problem and “diagnoses” or even suggests/”refers” to a qualified ENT or dentist instead of letting the doctor do so (who again most likely lacks proper training). Even if the doctor were to make the referral it is important for the referral to be to an experienced release provider, not just any ENT or dentist. One significant marker of experience is the use of a laser or scissors without anesthesia. In the meantime while referrals to a preferred provider are being withheld or missed altogether babies are struggling to swallow, struggling to breathe, driving parents mad with colic and extreme sleep deprivation, being put on formula, prescribed proton pump inhibitors, having feeding tubes installed and being hospitalized for failure to thrive.

It is a travesty.

I have seen first hand these issues and the misdiagnosis my son having a restricted maxillary and lingual frenum from a handful of medical professionals, which led to a tonsil and adenoidectomy at the age of 2:11 because his tonsils and adenoids hypertrophied and caused obstructive sleep apnea, all were initially due to infant reflux which was caused by a restricted frenum and swallowing issues from birth… As an SLP, I was not taught how to accurately diagnose frenum restrictions and the impact even slight restrictions can have on the health and well being of an infant, child, or adult.” -Nicole Archambault Besson, EdS, MS, CCC-SLP (8)

But the damage doesn’t stop there, formula has been proven to create a completely different ecosystem in a baby’s gut with higher populations of pathogenic bacteria (9). Even if formula is not introduced, often times antibiotics or antacids are to address symptoms or conditions that tongue tie contributes to or even causes. These kill good bacteria and lead to candida overgrowth and low stomach acid (10) which also deeply changes the ecosystem of a baby’s gut. Both research and clinical evidence are increasingly linking the imbalance of the gut ecosystem to the development of neurological conditions like anxiety, autism, dyslexia and ADHD (11), to autoimmune conditions like fibromyalgia, lupus and Hashimoto’s (12) and to the development of immune system issues like allergies, asthma and intolerances (13)…and so much more.

Nutrition and Genetics

Sadly in addition to the influences above there seems to be an uptick in the occurrence of tongue tie overall and our diet plays a huge role. Specific vitamins, such as vitamin A, D and K2 are needed for the frenum to release properly in utero, especially vitamin A (14). Dr. Steven Lin recommends a diet high in grass-fed offal, eggs, oily fish and whole fat grass-fed butter or cream, as well as some carrots and spinach for 6 months prior to conception to try to prevent tethered oral tissues from forming in utero (14). Dr. Weston A. Price found that modern diets cause nutritional deficiencies that result in narrow mouths with crowded teeth (15). I wonder if what Dr. Weston A. Price found was actually that modern diets increase the occurrence of tongue tie because narrow mouths with crowded teeth and high palates are symptoms of…tongue tie.

Tongue-Tie-can-cause

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In addition to vitamins A, D and K2, midline defects have also been linked to a deficiency in folate. It is estimated that 40% of the world population has at least one MTHFR variant (17) making them unable to process the synthetic form of folate: folic acid…yes the same folic acid that every OBGYN is trained to make sure moms take in prenatals! I tested myself and Caleb. We are both homozygous MTHFR which is the most severe form of the genetic variation. We cannot assimilate folic acid and it actually clogs up our precious folate receptors…

We, as a society, simply cannot rely on a vitamin pill for nutrition, especially when it comes to the critical nutrition we need for our babies in utero. We cannot rely on a modern diet full of “instant meals” and packaged foods. We need to eat real unprocessed food planted, stored and prepared with ancient methods like anaerobic fermentation. The Great Physician had it right all along. He didn’t create us first and then make us wait 5,000 years before we finally had the technology to build factories to create synthetic vitamins for our pregnant mothers. He gave us bioavailable nutrient dense foods from the beginning to create healthy babies.

Tongue tie has had a detrimental affect (one that we are overcoming in the name of Jesus I should add) on the health of my son, myself and my family members through the resulting recommendations of formula, invasive diagnostics and various “medicine” prescriptions, this on top of the damage from our standard American diet which played a role in it’s formation to begin with! We are made in God’s holy image and how we treat that image and what we feed that image really does matter.

A tiny string under the tongue is a testament to that.

Love or Anger

The implication of a tongue tie that is not caught at birth can be horrific on so many levels for not only quality of life and health, but also simply the ability to survive and thrive. This is in addition to the heartbreak associated with not being able to breastfeed, or the violated feeling that comes from having the micro-biome (the one that I worked so long and hard to pass on through an all natural labor) hit hard by unnecessary antibiotics just seven days later. When our ability to thrive and survive is threatened or when our gut ecosystem suffers we can become bogged down in ways that can directly thwart our God-given destiny (see post Bagworms). In light of all of the damage and trauma that tongue tie can cause it is easy to grow angry or bitter at industries or even certain people…but really there is only one true common enemy throughout—THE enemy. The efforts to convince people to eat processed foods are immense and how about the efforts to convince mothers to not breastfeed their own children which has been going on for centuries, think of the popularity of wet nursing before formula and bottle feeding became all the rage (2).

In his booked called “Love Never Fails” (18), Kenneth Copeland points out that when Jesus’ cousin and close friend John the Baptist was beheaded Jesus withdrew for prayer but was followed by the crowds. During this deeply emotional time the Bible says that Jesus responded with compassion and healed the sick. He didn’t lash out in anger or condemning words toward Herod or just ask the crowds to be leave him alone, instead he ravaged the kingdom of darkness with love and compassion because He knew that the real enemy wasn’t Herod or Herodias, it was Satan. When someone we love is deeply damaged by misguided nutritional or medical advice we can respond with sorrow and anger especially when the trauma is deep or when we are constantly reminded daily of the damage that was done to our child’s body. In the strength of Christ though we can respond in love which allows the true enemy to be stopped in His tracks. When we respond through faith in the love and grace of Christ the enemy can’t find any new footholds to stand on. Loving our enemies requires faith and as I am learning dying to myself. It is one thing to be polite or nice toward someone who openly opposes the truth and gaslights you in a detrimental fashion, but to love them!? However, I have to keep on reminding myself that when I step out in faith that faith forms a shield of protection against the enemy’s fiery darts. If I have learned anything it is that I really need that shield cause those darts are real and they can hurt us or our loved ones really bad. Thank God in Christ we have redemption, RESTORATION, PROTECTION (oh He is our Cleft in the Rock) and ultimately we have VICTORY. He alone can heal and restore. He alone can truly save. After what Caleb and I have gone through I do not want to create a new foothold for the enemy in my heart because of imperfect judgment or anger toward anybody or anything. Even though it certainly is not easy to respond to a slight in love I am seeking to walk in the love of Christ for everyone involved in our health journey, historically or present. In Christ alone are we made whole and restored, in Christ alone we live and breathe. It is He Who holds my head above the waters, no matter how torrential they get. With His mighty right hand He draws me up out of the waves, me and my precious child and He walks out onto those raging waters for us. No amount of anger or bitterness is worth jeopardizing my intimacy or lifeline with Christ. I trust in Him to be perfect in judgment and in provision. He has and He will continue to contend with those that contend with me and to save my children.

… … …

Part of love is compassion and the Lord truly has helped me to have compassion in the sense that much of what The Lord desires for our bodies to manage it’s health is, I’m finding, very different than the practices of conventional western medicine today. There are many well-meaning doctors out there but to evaluate the health of someone in a more holistic manner or to evaluate for tongue tie is not something that they are trained for or often approve of, even by the very medical associations that they receive their certifications and legal protections from. In order to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit in treating a patient, as it should be, they would have to deviate from standards of care which would essentially mean transforming their practice and identity and removing themselves from the legal and monetary protections of their earthly associations. I listened to several of the speakers during the recent Candida Summit and one of them was Jack Wolfson, a board certified cardiologist (19) that practiced conventionally for years. When he made the leap to integrate holistic medicine with his conventional training it meant leaving the hospital he worked at with guaranteed income from people’s insurance and stepping out in faith by opening a cash pay cardiology clinic. He now sees people from all over the world because there is such a demand for his kind but at the same time so very few (if any other) holistic cardiologists. Another reason I find in my heart compassion is that I now realize that every doctor, every formula company, every manufacturer for vaccines, antacids or pharmaceuticals, every one of them is not only accountable to their medical associations and peers etc…but they are also and ultimately even more-so accountable to God. People made in God’s image are entrusted to their care to try to heal or care for that image to make it healthy and to function optimally for the glory of God. In light of this I realize I am not their judge, they already have a judge who is the original Image Bearer and because, as mentioned, much of what they may be doing is damaging toward that precious image it is with the fear of God that I do have compassion. They too are made in God’s holy image and they too are infinitely precious to God. He is their Judge. He has got this in hand and so we must pray! We must pray for doctors and for the medical community to listen to the Holy Spirit, to the Great Physician. Pray for more awareness and acceptance in the medical community about the horrendous damage that can happen from a tongue tie that is undetected or left intact. Pray for the doctors that are out there trying to educate their peers like Dr. Ghaheri or Dr. Baxter. Pray for our individual protection and freedom from the enemy’s agenda to essentially mutilate the image of God with generation after generation of antibiotics, proton pump inhibitors, misinformed nutrition and more. Too many are listening to another voice, a voice that harms and damages the image of God. Oh how precious is the Lord and His image that we bear, and may He be eternally glorified in our bodies and in our love for one another.

Even in our love for our enemies.

We have the victory. We have Jesus.

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For a list of symptoms and related conditions to tongue tie stay tuned for my next post.

References:
1. A HISTORY OF BABY FORMULA – HOW EMERGENCY BABY FOOD BECAME AN EVERYDAY MEAL FOR BABIES IN AMERICA
HTTP://DOMESTICGEEKGIRL.COM/UNCATEGORIZED/HISTORY-BABY-FORMULA-EMERGENCY-BABY-FOOD-BECAME-EVERYDAY-MEAL-BABIES-AMERICA/
2. A HISTORY OF INFANT FEEDING
HTTPS://WWW.NCBI.NLM.NIH.GOV/PMC/ARTICLECS/PMC2684040/
3. History of Tongue Tie
Baxter, Richard. Tongue Tied, How a Tiny String Under the Tongue Impacts Nursing, Speech, Feeding, and More. Alabama Tongue Tie Center, 2018. Page 5
4. Backlash Against Surgery
Baxter, Richard. Tongue Tied, How a Tiny String Under the Tongue Impacts Nursing, Speech, Feeding, and More. Alabama Tongue Tie Center, 2018. Page 6
5. Brazilian Law for Tongue Tie
Baxter, Richard. Tongue Tied, How a Tiny String Under the Tongue Impacts Nursing, Speech, Feeding, and More. Alabama Tongue Tie Center, 2018. Page 257
6. Dentist sheds light on tongue tie in infants
http://www.ourmilkyway.org/dentist-sheds-light-on-tongue-tie-in-infants/
7. Hospital Gag Orders on Lactation Consultants, Bobby Ghaheri MD
https://www.facebook.com/DrGhaheriMD/posts/357748484386534
8. The Tongue Was Involved, But What Was the Trouble?
https://leader.pubs.asha.org/article.aspx?articleid=2432362
9. The Risks of Not Breastfeeding for Mothers and Infants
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2812877/
10. The Largely Unknown Health Epidemic Affecting Almost ALL Americans
https://bodyecology.com/articles/unknown_health_epidemic.php
https://bodyecology.com/the-body-ecology-diet-book.html
11. Gut and Psychology Syndrome: Natural Treatment for Autism, Dyspraxia, A.D.D., Dyslexia, A.D.H.D., Depression, Schizophrenia
https://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Syndrome-D-D-D-H-D-Schizophrenia/dp/0954852028
12. Ways To Reverse Autoimmune Disease
https://www.amymyersmd.com/lp/ai-webinar-registration
13. What’s Causing Food Allergies?
https://bodyecology.com/articles/whats-causing-food-allergies
14. Webbed Fingers Syndrome: Is Tongue-Tie Linked to Vitamin A Deficiency?
https://www.drstevenlin.com/webbed-fingers-syndrome-tongue-tie-linked-vitamin-a-deficiency/
15. Weston A. Price, DDS
https://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/nutrition-greats/weston-a-price-dds/
16. Tongue Tie and Crowded Teeth, Misaligned Jaws, Narrow Palates
Baxter, Richard. Tongue Tied, How a Tiny String Under the Tongue Impacts Nursing, Speech, Feeding, and More. Alabama Tongue Tie Center, 2018. Page 195-196
17. Do You Have The Gene Mutation That Affects 40% Of The World?
https://drwillcole.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-gene-mutation-that-affects-40-of-the-world/
18. Love Never Fails, Kenneth Copeland
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Never-Fails-10-pamphlets/dp/1575620944
19. Dr. Jack Wolfson
https://www.wolfsonintegrativecardiology.com/about/
20. Bible.com
https://www.bible.com/verse-of-the-day/PSA.91.2/385?version=1

 

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Great and Hidden Things

I desire only for compassion, love and grace toward every medical professional we have worked with. They were each trying their best for Caleb I hope and I do not want even a hint of bitterness, slander, or unforgiveness to be in my heart or words.

The Generations

In 1936 a baby girl was born in Illinois. Baby thankfully was able to breastfeed because unfortunately for her three siblings mother’s milk was deemed to be “poisonous”.

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Baby bottle from the 1930s. (1)

In 1959 the baby girl from Illinois gave birth to her firstborn in Oklahoma, also a girl. She cried continuously and just wouldn’t sleep. Extreme sleep deprivation set in as baby girl began to starve and finally the doctor discovered that mom didn’t have the milk for baby girl to nurse. Since mother had issues with milk production (her 5 following children were put on formula straightaway) no further investigation was made to see if there were any other underlying factors contributing to the infant’s inability to thrive on the breast.

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“By 1950 over half of all babies in the U.S. were on evaporated milk”…! (2)

By the 1940s formula companies had successfully influenced pediatricians to recommend their products through direct advertising (3). The widespread decline in breastfeeding culminated with breastfeeding commonly being considered unclean in the 1950s and ’60s. In 1959 formula companies began providing formula to hospitals and pediatricians as part of their marketing strategy in order to gain endorsement. (2After taking a hit from organized efforts to save breastfeeding (such as the Nestlé boycott of 1977), formula companies began directly advertising to the public in 1988. (2,3)

In 1986 the baby girl from Oklahoma had grown and gave birth to her firstborn in New Mexico. This baby girl was able to breastfeed, but she screamed…a LOT. Colic nearly drove her parents mad for 9 grueling months, the entirety of her breastfed experience. When babysat she would refuse to eat even if it were an entire day, screaming and starving herself until mom got back. With solids she would eat and then vomit over and over. This little one had tongue thrust and into adulthood she frequently swallowed water “down the wrong tube” resulting in coughing fits as a result. Worst of all her husband had to frantically do the Heimlich on her during her third trimester because her swallowing issues caused her to start choking on a piece of steak. Thankfully her baby had already flipped during this very scary experience and even more thankfully the Heimlich maneuver worked!

Between the 1980s and 2015 babies continued to be born with everything from needing formula supplementation to help with weight, to colic, to slow eating, gaps between the two top teeth as toddlers, food pickiness, recurring ear infections and ergo recurring antibiotics, ear tubes, speech therapy needs, anxiety, mouth breathing at night, and plenty of orthodontic needs.

Then in 2016 a baby boy was born. He had had jaundice and barely avoided supplementation even with feeding every 2 hours. He was sent home with an SNS by labor and delivery nurses because of the difficulty mom and baby were presenting with nursing. He also presented with low oxygen saturation which landed him in the PICU at just a week old. After 2 rounds of antibiotics this full-term baby was diagnosed with “apnea of prematurity”. He quickly fell asleep on the breast and off the breast his sleeping deteriorated to only a matter of minutes, if he didn’t wake right upon being put down. His mother was sent to wound care by a pediatrician for her torn up breast and was instructed to dress her wounds between feedings…except baby would not even sleep long enough for mom to eat or even go to the bathroom! Mom also had chronic plugged ducts and experienced mastitis twice. Mom did find that lying on her back helped with feedings. In addition to the physical trauma on one breast the other side for mom was always creased after feedings. Baby started having watery green stools in addition to periodic projectile vomiting. Extreme sleep deprivation in both mom and baby began to set in and mom began to become unemotional toward her own baby as he kept on crying and not sleeping. Mom resorted to rocking him for hours on the birth ball. Once asleep he would roll to his side scratching and sucking at the walls of his bassinet. Baby grew animalistic during skin to skin, scratching and grasping at the breast. Finally mom realized that what she was going through was not simply the trenches of new motherhood but rather a form of oppression. The multiple doctor visits already had yielded no help and so mom cried out to God for their deliverance. God helped mom figure out that her baby was cutting off his milk supply by pinching her nipple shut (chomping vs sucking) and to get him enough milk as well as to heal her physical trauma mom stopped nursing altogether at 6 weeks. When she started pumping mom barely produced anything and had to supplement in order to keep up with her baby’s hunger (mom’s low supply gave way to an ample supply with regular pumping). With a satiated tummy baby finally started sleeping but he would choke and audibly struggle to breathe all the while. He also “chirped” in his sleep and even snored and whistled sometimes. The bottle feeding honeymoon was short lived because of huge burps, prolonged screaming, excessive leaking milk out of his mouth and the continued projectile vomiting along with choking and gagging. Baby was diagnosed with a “high arched palate” and put in therapy for feeding. His oxygen, sleeping and feeding problems continued. At around 2 1/2 months mom did find the oxygen improved drastically if he was laid on his tummy, however because of SIDS risk a pediatrician advised she continue to lay him on his back even though his airways were struggling to remain open in this position. Baby was diagnosed with silent reflux which resulted in pediatricians advising for his mattress and changing table to be elevated on one side and he was put on omeprazole. He even received a referral for a medical sleeping wedge. Solids went from exciting to gagging, vomiting and aversions to the spoon or food.

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This special needs bottle was the only bottle Caleb could thrive with, otherwise a dish towel had to be wrapped around his neck to soak up the milk that leaked from his mouth and he would scream for hours. God provided these at a pharmacy. They made a mistake and made me pick-up instead of deliver his first refill of oxygen monitoring supplies and viola there was a basket of these bottles ON CLEARANCE! Praise the Lord.

After a series of swallow-study x-rays, upper gi x-rays, a “fluff-to-make-mom-feel-better- x-ray” and a birth x-ray mom really wanted to try to avoid anymore invasive diagnostics…not to mention all the antibiotics, rx caffeine and omeprazole (a proton pump inhibitor) baby had been put on. God had already protected Caleb by providentially securing his medical grade oxygen monitor which had alerted mom to his choking in his sleep (the post Caleb Gabriel tells how this started with winning an Instagram contest) and from being put under to have a camera stuck down his throat by healing his 02 issues and showing mom about his allergies before the doctors (see post Red Lips). Still, with the continued feeding problems mom knew something was there, something elusive, something that none of the doctors, therapists or the lactation consultant were catching. The doctors seemed to favor the theory of it all being neurological, they had even thought the oxygen saturation issues were too…and neurological problems means generational anesthesia and an MRI after the other invasive diagnostics have ruled things out, including being put under for scopes and then all the x-rays and meds and allergy testing we had already started. Mom knew that this path of medical testing was not working, it was not catching the problem, she knew in her heart it was just damaging her baby further.

The Cry

In May 2017 I shared a photo of Caleb’s tongue thrust with prayer partners and asked them to pray for God to show me what was causing it. On May 26, 2017 a prayer partner for Caleb sent me the same image with Jeremiah 33:3 inscribed upon it. What a prophetic word! image1

God had placed that feeling in my heart that there was a root to the problems. Then I was sent that verse. In July I took these things to the mat and grappled in prayer, asking over and over “Lord please open my eyes and help me see, show me that which is hidden!” I could feel it, there was something there, something in the dark that I could not see!

After months of pediatric specialists, therapists, x-rays, medications and more God did tell me great and hidden things…things that I had not known, that my mother, grandmother and great grandmother had not known…almost a hundred years of not knowing. The suffering had come to a head with Caleb and it took an all-out fight in the spirit realm for the light to shine on that which was hidden, but God did shine the light, and now I see. I cannot thank or praise God enough for delivering Caleb from the damaging circus of medical diagnostics and medications, and for showing me what had wreaked so much oppression in our lives.

The Answer

Finally on July 23, 2017 as I was searching for answers in a Facebook forum another mom mentioned I should look into ankyloglossia. I had already been told by the lactation consultant months prior that Caleb did not have ankyloglossia and Caleb’s feeding therapist had reiterated this stating that Caleb could stick out his tongue so I kind of shrugged it off but politely replied by saying thank you for the suggestion and that I would look into it. I didn’t really intend to make a point of remembering to research it since I felt like the medical professionals we had seen had already evaluated that possibility it for us…But then the Holy Spirit deeply convicted me. I would be lying if I did not keep my word and look into it, and in a timely manner! In order to not be guilty of dishonesty I did a quick Google search that very moment and what I found made my mouth drop – literally. A blog with the symptoms of ankyloglossia that felt like a book about what Caleb and I had gone through.

Tongue Tie

Turns out Caleb was both tongue tied and lip tied! After a few days of research I starting wondering about myself…so I decided to check my tongue in the mirror, I couldn’t believe it, I am also tongue and lip tied! Then I asked my mom to show me her tongue, she is tongue and lip tied! The truth is out, no more tongue tie torture for mothers and babies in my bloodline! With awe and amazement I thank God Who so graciously helped me see. I am so eternally thankful to the Holy Spirit Who kept me at it, He helped me wrestle that answer out of darkness into the Light! Goliath fell in the Name of the Lord God Almighty for David and he can fall for us too in that same Mighty and Holy Name.

To God be the eternal glory, honor and praise. Amen.

Stay tuned for my next post which shares how it was possible for Caleb’s ties to have been missed even though we frequently visited many pediatricians, pediatric specialists, therapists, and more.

Footnote:
To finally get the answer it took an act of staying true to my word to the other mom on Facebook even when I wasn’t motivated to make it a priority. This is interesting because when trying to get pregnant I sought a referral to the only local reproductive endocrinologist on the grounds that I wanted to find the root cause of my infertility. When I got to her office and realized she intended try to get me pregnant with hormone manipulation versus uncovering and fixing the root cause of my hormone imbalance I decided to stay the course (and I am forever thankful for her hard work, night and weekends literally for us!). However, this ended up being dishonesty because I had told the referring doctor that I wanted to find the root cause, even if it meant I had to leave the state to see an in-network provider. I was given a rare referral to an out of network provider. If I had decided to stay true to my word even when tempted not to and search out a doctor that would help me find the root then tongue tie may not have even manifested in my child because of its link to nutrition. Our journey with antibiotics etc. which resulted in Caleb’s gut issues certainly would have been very different because I now know that much of the same opportunistic overgrowth (which is caused by overuse of antibiotics and the poor nutrition provided by the standard american diet) was at the root of my infertility.

References:
1. https://goo.gl/images/iUZNoL
2. A History of Baby Formula – How Emergency Baby Food Became an Everyday Meal For Babies In America
http://domesticgeekgirl.com/uncategorized/history-baby-formula-emergency-baby-food-became-everyday-meal-babies-america/
3. A History of Infant Feeding
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articlecs/PMC2684040/
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Bagworms

Growing up in a fruit and nut orchard I spent my time barefoot in the trees, playing in the irrigation water and eating fresh fruit right off the branch. One year a large, old black-walnut tree near our house got infected with bagworms. The worms wove silky-spider-webby-like bags all over the tree and my dad had to take action. If he didn’t then the worms would spread and soon he wouldn’t just have one infected tree he would have a whole orchard and then the next door neighbors would have a problem too. To kill the worms my dad carefully maneuvered the ladder and a wand of fire to burn away each worm bag. It was a bit dangerous and precarious but he had to do it to save the tree and contend for the health of his entire orchard and the orchards around us. Much of cultivation requires nurturing through watering and pruning but when an enemy shows up you have to fight for life and health. Cultivation requires, at times, contention.

In Psalm 139:16 God tells us that before there was even one of them that God ordained each and every one of our days in a book, set apart, holy unto God. From the very beginning, even our first day in utero is holy unto God and God has a plan and a desire for every one of our days no matter how small, how big or how old we are. What does the scriptures tell us about these plans? That they are for our welfare and for our good (Jeremiah 29:11), that every good gift comes from God (James 1:17). God is good period. He does not plan for bad things to happen to us or those we love at any stage of development. However, we need to be aware that God isn’t the only one who has plans for “our orchard”. Just like the bagworms tried to set-in and launched an attack against my dad’s orchard, Satan will launch attacks directly at our ability to fulfill our God-given destiny (both our big life destinies and our destinies of season or a position as a child or as a wife for example). The enemy’s whole focus and agenda is to steal, kill and destroy everything God has a destiny for our children, even babies and more. The enemy doesn’t have a “they are too cute” or “they are too innocent” off-limit line, he will go anywhere a legal foothold is provided to him and do whatever he can to thwart the plans of God in our lives and He won’t wait until we are old enough to know it. That is where the role of a parent moves from the nurturing aspect of cultivation to the contention aspect. We create footholds in our children’s lives either for the Holy Spirit to flourish or for the evil one to set up a stronghold. To cultivate God-given destinies we must contend in prayer, word and deed for ourselves and for our children. When God gives us a glimpse of his destiny for our children or for our own lives whether it be through a prophetic word, a life-verse that jumps out at you in scripture, a God-given passion, however He communicates it we need to hang on to it. We need to write it down. We need to carry it around. We need to remind ourselves about it when things seem to be going awry. We need to speak it over our children, be intentional about cultivating it, and bring it up in prayer over and over again. If God has spoken it we can push for it in prayer, it is His promise for our child. We can push and push in prayer until every stronghold that is in the way is destroyed…and there will be obstacles. We need to pray and ask God to show us where the enemy has legal rights/footholds. Whether we are facing a generational fortress of darkness or a toe foothold we, as followers of Christ, have this promise: “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5” God has given us every weapon we need to destroy every “bagworm” in our walnut tree. Even if those bagworms have already spread and have already infested our orchard or the orchards of family members or even generations of family members….OUR GOD IS BIGGER!

I always knew since I was a little girl that I was going to be a mom someday. I now realize that becoming a mom wasn’t just a desire of mine or simply a choice or a preference for me to make, no it was part of my God-given destiny, to cultivate children in the fear of the Lord. This became particularly important for me to realize when after the traumatic newborn phase due to tongue tie I never wanted to have children again. I knew though that what I had just gone through was not from God, it was not good. I also knew that God had given me the desire to have kids so I started praying immediately upon having this realization and asking God to heal me from the trauma and to help me want to have kids again. I was contending for my God-given destiny to motherhood! God did heal me within a few short weeks which is miraculous given the fact that we were still struggling, just not as bad. God wants me to be a mom and the enemy will try to take that desire away.

I didn’t realize that for years I was contending for my God-given motherhood destiny. When my husband and I got married in 2006 I would always talk about “when we have kids” so much so that it led one lady to comment as to why we just didn’t have kids yet. In 2010 we started trying to have kids. We kept on trying in 2011, in 2012, in 2013, in 2014, in 2015 and in 2016…something was clearly wrong. Along the way it was tempting to just let my heart become hardened against the desire to have biological children in order to protect myself from the cruel and unusual emotional roller coaster of hope and heart break that is infertility. I am so thankful that during my journey more than one woman told me to remember that God had given me that desire to become a mother. This gave me strength to keep on trying and most importantly to keep on praying. Finally in 2016 God called me to do a fast starting out with 24 dry, 24-48 hour water only then 21 day juice. Around this time a friend of mine on the prayer team named Laverne had an anointing from God to pray over someone who had a request of prayer for the desire of their heart. I remember that prayer meeting, I was all of a sudden in a surprise and sudden battle for my destiny. On one shoulder thoughts like “oh you have prayed for this so many times at the altar with so many godly women, cried so many tears, you have reached a place of peace and contentment (see my blog post 5 years), is it really worth making a big deal about again today?” On the other hand I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to raise my hand for prayer. I raised my hand. I was contending for my destiny and I listened to God, hallelujah! After the prayer meeting disbanded two of the women took me aside for further prayer. One laid her hands on my womb and was led by the Holy Spirit to sing a song in tongues over my body and I now realize over my destiny. Susie at the same time was given a vision from God of me and my husband playing with a baby boy. Just a short time later and after years of trying my husband and I conceived…our joy and delight, our baby boy Caleb! Incredible! A prophetic vision and a miraculous conception! I also now realize that the fast God called me to was part of the contention for my destiny. Through my experience with Caleb I have found out that the root cause of my infertility is due to a leaky gut and all of the overgrowth of gross things like Candida (a fungus) that go with that. God knew this. I do not believe it was coincidental at all that He called me to do a detox fast right before getting pregnant! Not only did this fast help me conceive but it helped me keep my pregnancy as high toxic load (again linked to leaky gut) has been linked to miscarriage. My heart was so fragile after all of the infertility heart break already and God protected me from the shattering affect a miscarriage would have had on my heart. The fast God called me to do was not easy either. Contention is not easy. It was not easy for my dad to carefully balance himself on a ladder and burn out each bag of worms from the tree in the hot New Mexican summer but he did it. I faced cravings for food to feed the candida etc. that were so vivid and so hard to resist that I thought I would go crazy. It took a lot of determination to obey God and to cry out to him for help to get through that fast. Contention for my destiny through prayer and not letting my God-given dream die led to fasting, led to divine appointments, led to spiritual songs and prophetic visions and to a stronghold that was destroyed enough that it led me to get me pregnant and to a delightful baby boy! Hallelujah! I am now preparing to destroy that generational fortress out of my life all the way, in Jesus name.

Just a few hours before I went into labor God gave me a “jump-out-at-you” Bible verse promise for my labor and delivery: “…I will contend with the one who contends with you, and I will save your children. Isaiah 49:25b”. Less than 24 hours later my baby wasn’t breathing and was being intubated a second time by the ER doctor since the first intubation had failed by the labor and delivery team. God’s promise to me from the night before about saving my children had seemed a bit strange then but all of a sudden I knew this was a promise from God and in that moment it was what I hung on to and it gave me the strength and the faith to contend like I have never contended before in front of God and man in that delivery room. Crying out to God for what seemed like an eternity in front of everyone I prayed earnestly, I cried, I sang, I fought and I stood firm and my baby BREATHED….HALLELULAH (see my blog post Caleb Gabriel). The ER doctor came and saw us the next day and told me he really believed my prayers were the reason my little one had life. God gave me a scripture promise and a song, He gave me tools for the battle that He knew was just around the corner. God has prophetic words for our children all the time for us to use against every bag in every tree in our stewardship. We need to seek close relationship with Him for them and we need to herald them in battle. If the Word of the Lord has spoken it then we need to realize with the fear of God that we are accountable to it and can stand firm in it. It doesn’t mean the fight will be easy, there will be precarious moments but we have to stand firm.

I am still fighting for my son’s God-given destinies. We are up against generational curses related to tongue-tie, candida overgrowth/leaky gut, etc. This fortress is big and it is hard. My life and the fight against the “bagworms” would be a lot easier if I had heeded the Word of God and refrained from giving Caleb omeprazole but it doesn’t mean we are defeated. I did lay “lifeless” on the battlefield, frozen by my broken heart for a time after I realized the scope of the consequences from me discarding the warning of God, but I can stand up again and fight cause the grace of God is part of my heritage as a daughter of God. Grace. So it is not easy, we are still fighting the “bagworms” and I have realized that this “bagworm” infestation is so much bigger than “my orchard”, but we have the victory in Christ Jesus, even if we are surrounded by worms we have the victory. So just like I kept on contending for my destiny to become a mother and just like I kept on contending for my son’s life in the delivery room, and just like I kept on contending for my son’s oxygen which God gave him at 12 weeks of age (hallelujah, see my blog post Red Lips)…just like those and many other times I will keep on getting up and bearing the name and the word of the Lord in battle. Sometimes when I “get hit” in battle I feel like just lying there and crying and sometimes I do just lay there and cry for a bit, but my goal is to get up faster each time because to wallow in despair and discouragement is to wallow in agreement with the enemy. To sacrificially praise God in all circumstances is to agree with God. God deserves my praise no matter what and praise is a weapon of victory in and of itself!

I will praise Him and I will agree with Him that my son’s life, my son’s body, my son’s mouth, throat, stomach and bowels will be a living testimony of:

Jehovah Rapha, The God Who Heals Caleb
of Jehova Nissi, The God Whose Banner over Caleb is Love
of El Roi, The God Who Sees Caleb inside and out
of Jehova Jireh, The God Who Provides for Caleb
of El Shaddai, the All-Sufficent One

That will be and is my son, a living testimony. I am striving to cultivate, in the fear of the Lord, a living testimony of the Lord God Almighty. I am rearing a holy image of God and I am pressing in for my son’s physical body to not only reflect a Good God’s physical image but for his mind, heart and soul to reflect the same Good God, in Jesus’ name.

“Yet hear now, O Jacob My servant,
And Israel whom I have chosen.
 Thus says the Lord who made you
And formed you from the womb, who will help you:
‘Fear not, O Jacob My servant;
And you, Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.
 For I will pour water on him who is thirsty,
And floods on the dry ground;
I will pour My Spirit on your descendants,
And My blessing on your offspring;
They will spring up among the grass
Like willows by the watercourses.’”

Isaiah 44:1-4

Dayenu

One of the most encouraging and most beautiful blogs that I have ever read is called “It Would Have Been Enough” by Nichole Sawatzky. In it she explains that the Hebrew passover song “Dayenu” declares that it would have been enough even if God had just parted the red sea, or just fed the Israelites manna and nothing more. Each miracle, each provision, each manifestation of His presence during the Exodus into the nation’s God-given destiny was a gift that would have been enough to greatly and deeply praise the Almighty King of the universe even if that was it!

I would like to make my own version of Dayenu:

If He had just healed my broken heart of infertility,
and not allowed me to conceive
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just allowed me to conceive and to feel the precious kicks of my little one,
and not allowed me to hear my little one cry
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just allowed my little one to breathe,
and not given me an Owlet Oxygen monitor through an Instagram contest
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just alerted me to the problem with my newborn’s oxygen saturation which saved his life more than once,
and not led me to discover that my newborn was on the brink of starving
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If he had just helped me find out my newborn was hungry and not getting enough milk,
and not provided the special needs bottle Caleb needed to eat without hours of screaming
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just led me to the special needs bottle Caleb needed to thrive,
and not warned me against giving my newborn wheat cereal in his bottle as advised
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just warned me not to give my son wheat cereal in his bottles,
and not told me my son had food allergies before the doctors caught on
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just revealed to me that my son had developed food allergies before the doctors caught on,
and not healed his oxygen saturation levels

–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just healed my son’s oxygen levels without invasive medical care after 12 long weeks,
and not revealed to me the generational root to his feeding difficulties

–Dayenu, it would have been enough

If He had just revealed to me the root of our feeding difficulties known as tongue tie,
and not warned me against giving Caleb Omeprazole
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just stopped at the warning me about the omeprazole when I decided to listen to the doctors instead,
and not led me to a diet that can deeply nourish in spite of and even reverse the scope of food reactions that resulted
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just led me to the healing and nourishing diet plan,
and not helped me get Caleb back on my breastmilk even with doctors saying it would be like winning the lottery
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had just shown me what to eat so Caleb could drink breastmilk again,
and not provided me with a hospital grade pump

–Dayenu, it would have been enough

If He had just provided me with a free hospital grade breast pump even when no place would take my insurance referral,
and not helped me find the support group I did for Caleb’s healing journey
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If he had just led me to the support group,
and not provided a doctor who takes our insurance and knows how to help Caleb
 –Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If he had just led me to the doctor who understands what is going on in Caleb’s body,
and not shown me the root cause of my infertility at the same time then
–Dayenu, it would have been enough!

And Dayenu continues forever and ever. God’s wonderful miracles and works of provision deserve all of our attention and glory in continual praise. He is the master of the universe, time, and space;  how great and mighty is He that He takes such detailed care for each of us, Who loves us and speaks plans that are good for us. Let us press in to our Good Good Father and contend in prayer for everything He bought for us and for our children on the cross. Let us not forget one of His benefits.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
The Lord performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.

Psalm 103:2-6

Look What God Has Done

Look at what God has done–
He has given me a son.

Look at what God has done–
He has given my son oxygen.

Look at what God has done–
He has delivered Caleb from the evil one.

Look at what God has done–
He is the Strong and Might One.
He is the Ancient of Days, the very present One.

The Lord contends with those that contend with me.
He will save my children.

The Lord plants my son by the waters.
The Lord pours His Spirit out upon my son.
The Lord is my Son’s strength.

Look at what God has done–
He has given me a son.

In recent weeks I faced a struggle feeding my son. While toddler feeding battles are nothing new, for us it is particularly hard given our history. In some way or another I have struggled on and off to feed my only child since his first hour of birth starting with the inability to nurse correctly due to his undetected tongue tie. This has been traumatic for both of us, with feeding, breathing and swallowing difficulties that seem to manifest in so many different ways. An extreme sensitivity to textures, flavors and to the experience of the spoon or the cup is common in tongue tied toddlers. For me the trauma of everything we have been through creates an emotional tangle and a world of weariness that is hard to get out of when I face yet another fight in determination for my son to continue to thrive which is in accordance to God’s will. To continue to eat and to drink. Something so simple can become so hard.

Sometime during the twilight of this battle I heard or I read the verse in Psalms “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” The desire of my heart was for my son to eat and for his gut to be healed with GAPS so he can eat all the foods God has given to him to be blessed by and to eat in abundance without fear or trauma. I have to admit I have spent a lot more time raging at how something that should be so simple as eating has been so hard and how it stole the what was supposed to be a delightful newborn away from me and so forth…When Lazarus died Jesus wept. Even though He had known Lazarus would die and He knew Lazarus would raise from the dead He still wept. He wept as He saw Mary and Martha weep. The brokenness of death. Life wasn’t supposed to be like this in the beginning. The curses we live under, including death, they create sorrow, they create anger and rage because they aren’t supposed to be that way. We know when something is wrong. When it isn’t right. However, God has convicted me that anger and vengeance belong to the Lord. I suspect that God is angry too every time a newborn baby struggles to breathe or to eat because of a tongue tie. Every time a mother becomes trapped in a swirling vortex of a screaming, projectile vomiting, sleep deprived nightmare this is not good, this is not a blessing, this is not from God. When my little one was about 6 weeks old is when I realized this was not from God and I sought deliverance versus just trying to cling to Him to get me through. There is a difference between enduring and escaping. Jesus was trapped on the cross so we could be set free, by His stripes we are healed. He became a victim so we could have victory. When I “woke up” to the need for deliverance versus endurance is when God revealed to me that my baby was not sleeping because he was hungry and that he was hungry because he was cutting off my milk supply. God provided the special needs bottle that Caleb needed to thrive. But the anger, the vengeance. They belong to God. Judgement belongs to God. When I take the anger into my own hands and rage at my situation then I become guilty because righteous anger and judgement belong to God. He alone I feel can “rage” in perfect love and perfect judgement.

Anyway, I need to spend more time delighting myself in God. No matter what. No matter how the day went. I am to delight myself in God. Well I finally spent time delighting myself in God after two weeks of struggling to just try to get my now toddler son hydrated enough each day, and God provided. He showed me a way and Caleb started to and praise God has continued to eat again. Life is not perfect and I have to spend time every single day delighting myself in God, without him life is certainly to harder than it should be, and there is much to delight in.

Martin Luther once said “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer”. I used to think he was exaggerating, or that just ’cause He was Luther he could somehow have a prayer life like that, but I am starting to realize that Luther got it. He truly got it. He got that the more he had to face, or the more he had to surmount that day, the more He needed the Holy Ghost. The more He needed to move and groove in the Spirit…He needed God’s very present help. God taught me a long time ago, when I was just a teenager how when I would sacrifice something in order to spend time with Him, especially when it required faith to give up that time to pray and also be able to finish a research paper or something…God always helped me to get everything I needed to get done on time, but when I skimped out on God and chose not to walk with faith or sacrificially in prayer then I truly struggled! We can get to the finish line, but Jesus said His burden was light. We make it heavy and burdensome when we don’t delight ourselves in Him. I seem to have faltered in that die hard commitment to sacrificial prayer somewhat. I have been staying up into the wee hours or all night pumping, cooking, cleaning, doing everything within MY power to get me son’s situation straightened out…But the thing is –MY power is never going to be good enough and quite frankly is waning thin into weariness. I don’t need to and should in fact be intentional to not spend all my time on MY power, I need to spend time with THE POWER, the ONLY power that really will help, to spend time with God. He knows the way. Just like He knew how to get Caleb back on my milk when I was told it would be like winning the lottery. God knows how to heal Caleb’s gut and how to get him to eat. God’s way. God’s leadership. Me spending time with Him.

Whether the desire of your heart is for your baby to eat and to thrive or something else just know this, God loves you and desires to bless you and your children. Spend time with Him. Delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. When we delight ourselves in God He transforms us by the entire renewal of our minds and our desires come into alignment with His and His will is able to manifest in us. When we delight ourselves in God we are no longer fighting against the goads. We cannot successfully hold up the rage or the sorrow in us, railing and fighting and shaking our fist in confusion and at the same time be blessed. We need to release everything to God. We need to let Him be our Shepherd, including letting Him use his staff to fight our enemies on our behalf instead of running between Him and the bear bleating in fear. Let Him fight your battles.

So I realized I needed to start being intentional about “delighting myself in the Lord” but wondered exactly how I should go about it, this intentional practice during my time with God. Then I heard the answer in passing on the radio (ok God is so awesome in His grace to answer my heart’s query like that isn’t He!?):

“How amazing are the deeds of the Lord!
All who delight in him should ponder them.”
Psalm 111:2

So there we go: ponder the amazing deeds of the Lord.

Delight myself in Him.
I delight myself in Him as I ponder how He:

  • Gave me a baby boy to grow within my womb after 5 years of unsuccessful attempts at conception.
  • I delight myself in the Lord for giving Caleb the breath of life after his first intubation failed at birth, hallelujah!
  • I delight myself in the Lord for gifting Caleb an Owlet oxygen monitor through an Instagram contest right before He was born ’cause God knew his oxygen would be affected by his tongue tie!
  • I delight myself in the Lord when I reflect on the velcro swaddles God gave Caleb through the same contest because He knew the struggles we would go through trying to get Caleb to sleep as a newborn, God knew ahead of time.
  • I ponder with great amazement and eternal gratitude that God provided a professional grade oxygen and heart monitor that literally saved my son’s life, waking me up with it’s alarm to audibly hear and find my son choking on his back in his bassinet, then again in his rock ‘n play.
  • I delight myself in the Lord as I ponder how amazing it is that He healed Caleb at 12 weeks of age from whatever it was that was specifically causing the low oxygen, whether it was narrow airways, or whatever, God healed Caleb!
  • I ponder in amazement and immense gratefulness that God revealed to me that my son was tongue tied after many medical professionals including a lactation consultant and ‘feeding therapist’ missed it! God showed me, I kept on praying and He showed me after generations in my family have suffered on a spectrum from this in one form or another, the veil has been removed!
  • I rejoice in the Lord and remember that God told me not to give Caleb omeprazole. Even though I did, God warned me. He warned me, even though He knew I would disobey, He still took the time to warn me…
  • I rejoice in the Lord as I reflect on how God provided a free hospital grade breast pump to me even when my insurance referral was rejected time and time again.
  • I rejoice and give thanks to the Lord for prodding me forward to keep on pumping even in the middle of the night for 40 days and 40 nights without my baby drinking any of the milk because it turns out my milk has essentially “saved my baby’s life”.
  • I rejoice and give thanks to the Lord as I reflect and remember on how He led me to an online retailer for grass fed grass finished water processed lamb that would ship all the lamb we need for Caleb to Alaska for only $7.50, for real!!!!
  • I give thanks and rejoice in the Lord for providing free ready to feed alimentum to get Caleb through the time when I was pumping and storing.
  • I give praise and delight myself in God for revealing and showing to me that my baby had food allergies and intolerances at just 12 weeks of age even when a medical professional scoffed at the idea until my son’s oxygen improved the rest of the way and his lips turned red and then he tested positive for corn and a trace for wheat.
  • I delight myself in the Lord for giving Caleb shoes as a newborn through a gift that have turned out to be the only type of shoe we own so far (without having special ordered) that fits Caleb’s feet and his orthotics and keeps his feet warm at the same time.
  • I rejoice in the Lord and give Him eternal praise for providing corn free soy free goat kefir grains for breastmilk kefir, which has turned out to be a MAJOR key for healing Caleb’s gut.
  • I ponder with great thanksgiving and wonder that amazingly God has provided some corn free soy free goat colostrum for when his body is ready to handle it in order to further bless his immune system healing.
  • I rejoice in El Roi, the God who Sees who showed me that my son needed the prebiotic in my breastmilk to defeat the pathogenic bacteria in his body.
  • I rejoice and give thanks to God for increasing my milk supply with the hospital grade pump and for helping me to wake up and cluster pump etc. and still have energy to cook for Caleb’s gut healing diet and for therapy.
  • I rejoice and give thanks to God for showing me the GAPS diet when Caleb was just 5 months old to heal his gut and to reverse all allergies and intolerances as well as neurological sensitives.
  • I ponder in amazement that 7 years ago when we purchased our home in Alaska from Okinawa, Japan that we purchased a home without a smart meter attached to it and in a bit of a dead zone for a meter given our city location. This is a blessing of providence. There are so many examples of God’s providential love that I could continue to think of them forever and write them down.
  • I reflect in amazement and thanksgiving on how God has give me and Caleb life, in the image of God himself. I now choose to walk humbly before God in holy stewardship of this image of God that I reside in.

I delight myself in God for giving Caleb everything He has ever needed. For healing my son. For being our strong and mighty Shepherd through the rocky, craggy, high places. He is leading us to green pastures where we can rest and thrive. I rejoice and I delight myself in Him.

Hallelujah.

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Take it Back

Sometimes we wish we could go back and do something different, other times if needed we wish we could go back in time and do something that was hard, uncomfortable or of great sacrifice all over again in an instant because the outcome was worth it. Today I feel both. I wish I could go back in time and never have given my son omeprazole. Today I would in an instant choose to go into labor and give birth to my son all over again cause he is worth every bit of pain I went through in my all-natural dry birth. He would be worth me going through that to give him the bacteria his body so desperately needs. I can’t go back and go through labor again for my precious little one. I can’t even give my own life for his healing. BUT there is One who Has given His life for my son’s healing and His name is Jesus. Caleb was worth it to Him too when we was scourged, beaten, ridiculed, spit upon and nailed to that cross.

I haven’t posted a blog update for a while. God has been doing some amazing things that I need to talk about, and will…but today’s blog needs to be about one thing. Setting the record straight. In my last blog I am guilty of false testimony. I accredited God with something He did not do, something damaging and destructive. God DID heal Caleb of whatever was going on with his oxygen, his lips turned red and whatever was causing it to be low or dipping down frequently associated with choking, gagging and apparent struggling to breathe went away. God also revealed to me that Caleb had a food allergy, at just 3 months of age. What God did NOT do was tell me to give my son corn-free omeprazole. God DID tell me to call the pharmacy when the first doctor prescribed corny omeprazole and tell them this: “God healed my son and so he will no longer need omeprazole, so you do not need to worry about getting it ready.” I was nervous to do this because I didn’t want to sound weird, even though I knew God healed my son, the Holy Spirit was testifying to me that He had…I made the phone call. I told the pharmacist just that. Then Caleb’s oxygen monitor seemed to dip a bit in oxygen from the 98-100% it had been resting so beautifully and continuously and miraculously at for two whole weeks! Again, I knew God had healed my son ‘cause the Holy Spirit was making sure I knew he did. I had the confirmation and testimony of the Spirit even when this happened. At first I just resolutely responded in the spirit realm by saying my son was healed. But temptation to doubt began to hit me hard. What if God had only healed the oxygen and not the reflux…”WHAT IF”…then when the next doctor we saw prescribed corn-free omeprazole instead of telling the specialist to his face “no, God has healed my son, he doesn’t need the medicine” just like God had already told me to tell the pharmacist, what did I do? I began to listen to the voice that said “DID GOD REALLY SAY”. Sound familiar? Eve heard that same voice in the garden…“Did God really say?”… and she ate the fruit, she convinced herself to take a bite, she took the bait. She listened to the lie. So did I…so did I. I convinced myself that it must have been to protect Caleb from the corn allergy, surely that is actually what God meant. Boy was I wrong. God is clear. He is not confusing.

I cannot even begin to explain to you the regret I have. The sorrow upon sorrow, the tears I have shed. What I have learned and now know is that when God does something miraculous, something amazing, like healing…when God does that Satan will try desperately to do three things: 1) cast doubt in other people’s minds, 2) cast doubt in your own mind and 3) try to get you to be the one that casts the doubt. What happened when Christ rose from the dead? The enemies of God wasted no time in spreading false testimony, lies, and doubts. I figured out after a month of confusion with red lips and testimony from the Holy Spirit that Caleb was healed, but weird oxygen readings that didn’t fit, was that the reason the oxygen appeared to have lowered again was because his foot had grown fatter and the monitor was giving a false reading! It was all smoke and mirrors (another tactic of the enemy, beware)! Who is the author of confusion? Not God. A test of my faith, who would I listen to? Would I walk by faith and not by sight? By this time I had already posted on Facebook that my son’s 02 was dropping still based on foods (another must be)after having posted God healed Caleb (which he did!). I allowed myself to be used to plant doubt about God’s amazing miracle he had done in my son AND I allowed myself to doubt…not only that but when I gave doubt a foothold and disobedience a foothold I also gave legal authority to Satan to land a new form of curse or oppression. You see he had none left, the serpent was drowning in the blood and he couldn’t get to me or Caleb anymore because God had removed authority for oppression when He healed Caleb’s oxygen and showed me what was up with his food. The serpent’s oppression had ceased, his foothold had been destroyed. His last ditch effort before going under was to get me to create a new foothold for a new curse, a new form of oppression.

Why was it so important to the enemy to convince me to give the omeprazole? My son’s gut microbiome had already taken a hit when he was put on two rounds of completely unnecessary antibiotics in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit starting at just 7 days of age. The gut microbiome takes 21 days to reach a point of establishment after birth, the gut takes 2-3 years to mature. Antibiotics don’t just kill good bacteria. Then after 3 months of caffeine that created outrageous silent reflux God revealed to me my son’s allergic responses to corn in his throat. Then came the omeprazole. Omeprazole lowered my son’s stomach acid ph blocking his body’s ability to create two key hormones that trigger the creation of digestive enzymes and also prevent food from being digested enough before being deposited into the lower gi tract where the enzymes were now out of whack in addition to the previous bacteria hit, not to mention the new ph created an environment perfect for pathogens to thrive. My son’s baby poop had still been perfect and seedy prior to the omeprazole, even after the PICU and caffeine. It wasn’t until the omeprazole that things changed. My 13 month old would be eating a lot more than just lamb stock, pureed lamb, hypoallergenic probiotics and breastmilk from my limited diet right now if I had stood firm in my faith and obeyed God, instead of convincing myself to believe a lie and then spread lies and false testimony by having the audacity to say “God must have…” and accrediting God with destruction. No. I repent. I redact. I declare that I lied, Satan lied. Truth was smeared. I sob.

And yet God has been so kind and gracious, God is love, even when we are in desperate straits or in the wilderness. I think sometimes we like to think that we are immune to consequences under the new covenant, but we are not. Curses and consequences are alive and until we confess, repent and seek the blood of Jesus in court the judgments stand firm. There is only One thing that can stand in the court of God to break the power of our sins, transgressions and iniquities and that is Jesus. “He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). Jesus was pierced for my transgression of the omeprazole. He was crushed and bruised for the iniquity that runs in our family’s bloodline of dishonoring our bodies, the images of God, with food and destructive pharmaceuticals. He was chastised so Caleb could be well and at peace, He was scourged and wounded so Caleb can be healed. Jesus made a curse, was made to be sin so we could bring our curses and our sins to the throne to stop the enemy, to remove the stronghold, to destroy the foothold. “The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8).

God is my son’s healer. Not me, not my tears, and not even my zeal, though it be great. None of these can heal my son on their own. But—GOD can. The LORD is my son’s healer. The LORD is my son’s strength. The LORD is my son’ hope and REDEEMER and DELIVERER.

“For thus says the LORD: “Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you, and I will save your children” (Isaiah 49:25).

“And my soul shall rejoice in the Lord; It shall exult in His salvation. All my bones will say, “Lord, who is like You, Who delivers the afflicted from him who is too strong for him, And the afflicted and the needy from him who robs him?” Psalm 35:9-10

My confession is so important, to set the record straight, not only in God’s courts, but here on earth. I don’t write the story. I don’t figure out “what God must be doing.” I should not credit God with things so easily. I believe we as humans need to be very careful with what we credit God for. All too often we give occasion to the enemy to blaspheme by declaring false testimony about situations or conditions in our bodies or minds, our children’s bodies or minds, relationships, life, everything! Declaring that something that is actually a form of demonic deception and oppression to somehow be God’s blessed will is definitely something we need to have the fear of God in us about! God ordained each of our days before we lived even one of them. He purposed them, He thought about each one of them. He decreed His will for them. Many days, many bodies, many situations, many families, many bloodlines get hijacked and the ordained will of God desecrated and blasphemed because we give legal authority to darkness instead of light. To lies instead of truths. We need to stand firm. We need to fight. We need to endure in this race. As the author of Hebrews says in chapter 12 verse 12 “So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees.” Stand FIRM. Seek to enter God’s courts. To state your case. Press in and be careful what you attribute to God. My job is to listen, to trust and to obey. To follow even when I don’t understand why or where or what. God is the author of my son’s destiny. Psalm 139:16 says that God ordained each one of my son’s days before they existed. God took the time to do that. With godly fear I seek to humbly raise my son in God’s way. Not my way. Not my story. God’s way. God’s story. God is the author. God does not need PR. God does not need a spin to make a good story. God needs honesty, humility and truth, even when we don’t know the explanation yet. We don’t need to be able to explain something to stand firm in the truth of it. We don’t need to be able to explain something God has commanded us to do to obey it.

When the Israelites were in wilderness God took care of them. He turned bitter water into sweet water. He led them to 12 springs…12 springs, 1 for each tribe. I love that. God knew the Israelites would end up spending a long time in that wilderness and even though He knew they would disobey Him with the golden calf and have to be punished He still created ahead of time springs at Elim for them for when they first entered into the wilderness which would become the wilderness of their disobedience.

“There the Lord issued a ruling and instruction for them and put them to the test. He said, “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.”

Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.” Exodus 15:25-27

Who knows, maybe He even created those springs at the beginning, or during the flood! God knows way ahead and provides way ahead before we can possibly even ask Him. That is called God’s providence. How beautiful is His providence. He met their needs, time and time again even though a whole generation would die in the wilderness. God gave them manna and quail. He led them by fire at night and cloud during the day. God was with them in the wilderness. God knew they would try His patience, He knew they would build the golden calf, but God still delivered them from Egypt, still promised Abraham, Isaac and Jacob even though he knew of the rebellion that would come from the many generations ahead, He still chose Abraham. He still chose the Israelites to fulfill his purposes, His destiny to bless all peoples through Jesus Christ the Messiah.

Just like I would go back to the pain of labor and delivery of my son and do it all over again for him in an instant because he is worth it, Jesus I feel would go back to the cross in an instant and do it all over again for me, for us, because He loves us so much. God knew every sin that we would ever commit, He knew everything we would say, think or do in disobedience even after becoming a child of God, and He still went to the cross. I acutely remember my son’s labor and birth, this is a memory that is strong and mighty in my relationship with my son. I will always remember that night and day as part of my identity in my relationship with my son, no matter his age. Jesus gazes at us, the experience of the cross acutely vivid in his heart and mind. His dripping blood hot on the cross of calvary. Furthermore Jesus exists outside of time, He is God. He is omnipresent. This vivid experience of the cross is something that He is acutely aware of at all times in His relationship with us as our Lord, Savior, Redeemer and Intercessor. He knew everything we would do, and He still endured the cross for us, He still loved us. God knew I would listen to the enemy’s “Did God really say?” in regards to the omeprazole but He still healed my son’s oxygen.  He still prompted me to push through temptation and to keep on pumping so my milk wouldn’t dry up. He still showed me the GAPS diet to address my son’s gut before I understood the terrible thing I had done. He didn’t decide I wasn’t worth it because I would ultimately disobey Him. He still provided a free medical grade breast pump to me even when I hadn’t yet found a supplier to fill my insurance referral. God still revealed to me that my son had tongue tie and lip tie at the end of July (more on that in another post to come). After I tried and failed with corn free chicken and pork, God still provided a company that will ship the grass fed and grass finished lamb my son needs to Alaska for only $7.50!! God still provided free DNA stool tests to show me the condition of the bacteria in my son’s gut and to give me a picture of what we are up against.

We only see a faint reflection. God sees it all clearly. We will never gain enough knowledge to make the right decisions without God. We don’t even need our science and technology. When God created us at the beginning He said it was good and He meant it! It was good. It didn’t need to be “made better”. We can trust God without knowing or understanding it all first. In fact we must because we never will attain such a thing, there is only One God, there is only One voice to heed, there is only One word we must listen to: God’s.

Prayer Need:
Like I mentioned above, we desperately need’s prayer support in order to break the power of the pathogenic bacteria called b. fragilis. The DNA tests have revealed a serious situation of growth by this antibiotic resistant and pathogenic bacteria. The silver lining is that between the two tests the corn free soy free goat’s milk kefir grains that God has provided recently have helped to diversify my son’s gut. I believe these are a very important part of the battle strategy pray so please pray for them to stay healthy and for my son to have plenty of kefir. Please pray for God to protect my son’s abdominal organs, his brain, blood, lungs, entire gi tract and more. Please pray especially for this pathogenic bacteria to stop growing, for it to be evicted and to be brought under control by the good bacteria! This is a serious and urgent prayer need for Caleb. Please pray also for my milk supply to substantially increase or for me to find a donor whose milk works for him so it can feed the good bacteria called bifodum longum and to make plenty of breastmilk kefir. Please pray for me to hear from God and for me to be brave and prompt in obedience and for all of Caleb’s needs to be provided for as we stand firm even if our knees shake at times. Please pray for innocent baby Caleb’s gut to be restored, for what was robbed from him to be given back to him and then some. For his body to no longer be held captive, but for him to be set free, for him to be able to eat all foods, more foods. For food to be a blessing and not a curse. For His gut microbiome to be a blessing and not a curse. For him to be healed and not oppressed. For him to be blessed and not cursed. In Jesus’ name. So be it.

Also, I am at the end of a study on curses and based on what I have learned about word curses or blessings I must ask that if you pray or share this blog, please be careful to not make declarative statements about me or Caleb that align with the enemy’s plans. Also, please be judicious with who you share this information with and with what motive. We need prayer. We don’t need to be a sensational story, topic of conversation, or spoken of with firm statements or phrases that confess or agree with our plight. Please just choose your words carefully to bless us according to God’s plans He wrote in our books before we were even formed in the womb vs words that agree with curses against us or that give the enemy an opportunity to revel or delight or curse even further.

Thank you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

 

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Winning the Lottery

“It would be like winning the lottery”…the doctor’s words sunk in slowly…Just the month prior I had immediately gone on an elimination diet when Caleb’s oxygen jumped up, lips turned red and swallowing issues disappeared when I put him “temporarily” on ready to feed alimentum. I had immediately put myself on the Dr. Sears elimination diet which takes out the top 8 allergens then later also taken out corn per the gi specialist’s recognition of why Caleb couldn’t handle the powdered version of the hypoallergenic formula…But it started to sound like “temporary” wasn’t such as easy word, although it can take up to 3 weeks for a food protein to be eliminated, the latest try for him to get back on my milk after a 3 week window was met with bumps all over his body and him itching his face and head while he was eating. And I had eliminated the elimination diet foods down to only lamb, zucchini and quinoa…then as I kept him on my milk he started itching between meals and in his sleep and the bumps started to stay and spread to more places. I was advised to keep him off my milk until allergy testing was accomplished…and to not get my hopes up, that typically in cases like this the allergen couldn’t be pinpointed. Another doctor told me that although he was a man of faith and wouldn’t say it was impossible that “it would be highly unusual” for Caleb’s allergies to be pinpointed and get on my breastmilk again…in all 3 doctors told me something along these lines.

However, God isn’t intimidated by the lottery and He is really into the highly unusual – in fact the impossible – like virgins giving birth and seas parting to expose dry land…THAT is MY GOD, the ONE TRUE GOD- as it says in Isaiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

MY GOD is the King of the Universe, He is my adoptive Dad, and I because of that I’m seated in heavenly places with Christ. MY DAD up in Heaven has plans and thoughts about me that are for my good and for my welfare. I can trust Him. I do not need to be afraid. MY GOD healed my son in March when things were about to get unnecessarily invasive by showing us that the key to his healing was my baby’s diet…How little did I know what that healing journey would entail though, I thought it was immediately finished, done and golden in 3 weeks…Well, IT WAS FINISHED — in the spirit realm, but in order for Caleb’s healing to completely manifest I would have to and am actively waiting upon the Lord in prayer and in allowing Him to lead my mother’s intuition for what to feed my son.

I wish I could say that my faith never faltered but as days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months without being able to get Caleb back on my milk I would go back and forth between rock solid faith in His healing and rock solid faith that God would reveal to me what to eat and then back to battling fear, discouragement and despair – temptations to give up, to stop pumping…But God promises that if we stand firm in battle and raise that shield of faith that He will meet us there, even if our shield is as small as a mustard seed and He will shield us and protect us and boost our faith! I would cry out to God in tears and He would meet me there. I would praise Him and worship Him and He would meet me there. I would pray and pray and He would meet me there…

It is hard to pump every time you feed your baby formula and then because he is too small to sit on his own having to sit him in some sort of baby chair or device in order to pump even though they are a bit too big for him because I couldn’t lay him down due to his silent reflux…even if he fussed and wanted to be held and couldn’t understand why he had to sit there, or was bored being put in the same place over and over…it was heart breaking. Of course since I have to pump and bottle feed even when he is on my milk I was already having to do that, but with me having to put him through that and not even being able to use my milk — that is just extra hard. But let me say this, God provided! Caleb started sitting on his own at just 4 months!!! Typically this happens at 7 months. This allowed his muscle development and posture to be protected and for him to be able to be entertained and to play with more independence while I pumped. Thank you Lord!! God also provided Caleb with impressive head control ever since he was teeny tiny so when I was putting him in a chair at just 2 and 3 months he held his head up just fine, like a champ! He is a super strong little dude! Waking up in the middle of the night and early hours to pump even as he slept was not easy either, again not even being able to feed my baby the milk…but it was a lot easier not having to wake and feed my baby who is already a slow eater and then on top of that pumping. God would wake me up and help me get up without waking up Caleb so I could pump. God has allowed Caleb to sleep like a champ at night so even with the extra pump sessions to protect my supply, I still get enough sleep! Thank You Lord! It was also hard emotionally and physically as my meager diet took its toll on my body and mind with cravings and rapid weight loss, the tiredness, the hunger I felt at times as I desperately tried to eliminate as much as possible while also trying to get enough to eat, I just wanted to get a base point to start from so I could start adding food back in. I had eliminated viatmins and supplements due to corn content as well so I also knew I needed to start to add foods back in to protect my bones etc. plus the milk would need to have vitamins in it for Caleb. I had to pump no matter what even as my own body suffered and my baby had to endure shelf ready, highly processed food, and it was hard. BUT, I couldn’t give up, I felt strongly in my heart that my breastmilk was the key and that God knew the elusive combination.

Then on top of the strain of the elimination diet and pumping without feeding my own milk, his silent reflux started getting really bad ’cause his body could tell the milk protein was still there in the rtf alimentum even though they were essentially pre-digested in the form of hydrolysates. Formula was in his sinuses, coming out of his nose as he would sneeze and ultimately he started to refuse to eat because of the discomfort in his throat. He started to get constipated and his weight percentage stopped climbing as it should…I was given 2 weeks and if he didn’t stop refusing to eat after 2 to 4 ounces he would need to be “scoped” which meant anesthesia and intubation as a camera was placed down his throat…invasive loomed once again. This time it would have been necessary — but I certainly wanted to avoid it at all costs. The 2 week window would end before the allergy appointment even took place…which meant it seemed inevitable.

So my baby was barely eating ’cause his throat hurt from the stomach acid and food coming up into it and his sinuses, my attempts with only corn finished lamb, zucchini, quinoa and rice crackers had failed and I was supposed to wait until we saw the allergist which surely meant the scope. We were also about to run out of $420 worth of free hypoallergenic formula God had provided…I know God is perfect in his provision and that He was in charge so I decided to take the risk and try my milk again even though the specialist had warned me that his reactions were getting progressively more severe…I had been researching what causes baby allergies, whether it be in the gi tract or otherwise. During this process I had joined a Facebook group for the GAPS diet. One of the moms told me to consider salicylates. I had never heard of these but did some further research and since my current diet, which was nill to none, hadn’t worked I decided to try grass finished lamb that was processed with hot water (not vinegar), brussel sprouts, soaked and sprouted quinoa and a little maple syrup. I landed on this combination based on a severely limited version of an elimination diet called The Failsafe Diet which eliminates salicylates, amines and histamines. I decided to put my faith in God and try again and pray with all my heart for it to work…and…IT WORKED! PRAISE THE LORD IT WORKED!!! No itching, no bumps, no rash, no oxygen dips!

Selah (Let’s pause, reflect and just praise God here).

After getting him back on my milk I needed to get more fat back in my diet so I decided to try to add in avocado and “allergen free” chocolate…hives!!! Then Bok Choy…hives! and Jerusalem Artichoke, just a tiny bit…red rash and itching! I wasn’t completely convinced and sure about the salicylate connection though until Caleb tested negative on the skin prick tests which is expected with sals since it is this chemical in the foods versus the food protein. The only thing that connects zucchini to the foods that reacted after I got him back on my milk is salicylates. God helped me figure this out even though I am certainly not a trained allergist, gi doc or naturopath by any means. God knew the winning numbers and He showed me to help my baby who was reacting to every formula out there. THANK YOU LORD for protecting my milk supply, for the faith to keep me pumping, and for allowing my baby to thrive. I can never, ever, even come close to thanking you enough…

YOU OH LORD are my Baby’s HEALER, YOU are JEHOVAH RAPHA. You are the Banner of me which is Love and YOU ARE MY GOD.

Apparently baby food allergies begin in a compromised gut (outside of DNA determined conditions that is)…and antibiotics kill good gut flora (in addition to C-sections causing a gut that is not populated as it should be, thankfully this was not a factor for us to consider). I wish I had known about the affect of antibiotics though so I could have administered probiotics both in my diet and directly right after Caleb was in the PICU, then on caffeine, then on corn-free omeprazole. I wrote in my last post how there was a delay in into omeprazole until after his oxygen went up so I didn’t end up having to put him on it...turns out God was protecting Caleb from the regular version of the medicine because it contains corn and corn disables Caleb’s ability to swallow well, causing choking, gagging, coughing and ultimately a hard time breathing when combined with silent reflux due to other foods (this statement has been redacted, God told me to not give Caleb omeprazole because of the devastating affects of acid blockers to the gut microbiome, the redacted statement was false testimony and it has been made right in the blog post “take it back”). I do feel that his salicylate allergy appeared after the omeprozale was introduced, but I understand that medicine involves risks and benefits and his reflux was so bad that he needed it to protect his throat and its components, but there are the consequences. If it weren’t for getting the “secret combo” to a perfectly custom breastmilk we would be in real trouble. Caleb can’t swallow with Neocate and was in too much pain to eat well on ready to feed alimentum…plus the acid blocker meds were negatively affecting his gut flora and then with solids introduced at six months compromised stomach acid would prevent them from being digested enough before entering an already compromised gut. For more information on the details about the gut and its relation to allergies, intolerances, reflux and also autoimmune and neurological conditions (not just for babies!) I highly recommend you read the “Gut and Psychology Syndrome” book by Natasha Campbell-McBride. I really feel like God provided this information to me for Caleb’s healing as I, along with many others, prayed for that healing.

I know with all my heart that God can, has and still does supernaturally heal ailments. In a millisecond, he can and has raised the dead, healed the lamed, the blind, the barren, the possessed, in fact every person that came to Jesus for healing was healed. However, God also commanded the commander of armies, Naaman, to humble himself and dip in the filthy Jordan to be healed. Sometimes it takes work, it takes humility, it takes time, determination and sacrificial obedience—and most of all it takes determined, long-suffering faith for the healing to manifest. That is the path God has put Caleb and I on. It is not easy on our diet, for example Caleb is not allergic to peanuts or almonds, but peanuts and almonds are high in salicylates so I’m making cashew butter and cashew flour from scratch. I’m learning how to properly prepare food for optimal digestion of vitamins and minerals by soaking the nuts in salt, and soaking and lacto-fermenting grains and legumes with homemade breastmilk whey (it’s dairy free)…I’m learning A LOT and eating in ways I’ve never eaten before. God has provided everything we need. It is not a coincidence that a nearby farmer’s co-op provides corn free pork processed in hot water, including bones for bone broth and fat for making lard, they also provide soy and corn free eggs and that a local grocery store stocks locally grown fresh mung-bean sprouts, grass-finished water-processed lamb, and organic rutabaga which is low in sals and the latter an important ingredient for my baking and broths.

Will you join in me in praying for Caleb’s total and complete healing to manifest over the next few months? Caleb did test positive for corn with the patch testing as the gi doc had already determined plus a trace for wheat and he had some redness with dairy and egg whites which we have figured out both cause the bad reflux so they are intolerances. We are actually even now in recovery from egg whites because I had decided to try them and he had started to refuse to eat again, not just his bottles but food with spoons as well…so the winning combination: a corn free, dairy free, wheat free, egg white free, and low salicylate version of BABY GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) DIET is what we are on now. I’ve learned from other allergy baby moms that allergies can change. So please pray for Caleb’s to go away completely and for no new ones to surface, this means praying fro Caleb’s gut to heal and if there has been a blood/brain barrier breach for that to heal as well. Please pray for God to help his body and mind to allow him to receive the bone broth and other key healing foods that he needs. His pediatrician let me know that between 6 and 9 months is a critical time for digestive enzymes to start to populate a baby’s gut that weren’t present before, but there hasn’t been a lot of research on how this is triggered and happens. For some GAPS patients they have to be on probiotics and enzymes their whole lives, please pray for Caleb’s gut flora and enzymes to be restored, this is critical to his total healing. I’m so thankful God revealed so many answers for Caleb so early. His pediatrician told me at his 4 month well-baby that it is highly unusual for so many things to have been figured out so early-on. Prayer makes all the difference between health and oppression. Thank you for your prayers. Prayers have made all the difference, literally from Caleb’s first breathe. Thank you Lord.

I am humbly grateful to JEHOVAH JIREH, my Provider, My Hope, My Victory, My Son’s Healer.

May all praise, and all glory and all honor that ever leaves my lips be forever and only to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. Praise Him.

Image

Red Lips

I didn’t know my son had red lips until he was 12 weeks old…He is now 13 weeks and I still am taken aback (in a good way) by his red lips, they look so out of the ordinary–so absolutely beautiful because red lips means oxygen and oxygen means healing, divine and supernatural healing.



When I posted my last blog I talked about how my son and I were hidden together in the Rock of Ages, but I had no idea how much I was going to learn about what that means over the next few months, nor how much I would learn about God’s providence or God being my son’s strength…Around the time that I posted that I had started to realize that my newborn baby boy was not sleeping enough. Out of desperation to sleep I had started to look up how much a newborn should on average be sleeping, my son was barely sleeping at just under a month. I thought it was the caffeine medication he was on and I started to try everything in my power to help him sleep from swaddling and rocking him on the yoga ball or in the dark with the water running so long that my arm would get stuck in a pain from holding him. I wasn’t even able to eat or go to the bathroom unless I let my baby cry or unless my husband was home and able to make me a sandwich to bring me while I nursed or rocked our son. We even moved my husband’s beer fridge out of the garage into the nursery in another desperate attempt to help me grab a snack (2 months later I threw out the food that was in there) because I hadn’t had time to eat it. Something was wrong, I just didn’t realize how wrong. In addition one of my breasts was badly cracked, 4 cracks, one of them right through the middle and a portion of the nipple had come off. I had even received special supplies from the wound care clinic to try to help it heal, but nothing was working. I didn’t understand why God wasn’t answering my prayers for my nipple to heal or for my son to sleep. I knew that scripture says that if we pray something according to God’s will it will be done, so how come it wasn’t God’s will for my baby to sleep or for my nipple to heal?

During this trying time of almost no sleep, no self care, and a crying baby that would scratch at my chest and scream and try to nurse even though he just had almost every time I tried to get him to sleep in a wrap God gave me a scripture to hang onto:

Do everything without murmuring or questioning [the providence of God], 15 so that you may prove yourselves to be blameless and guileless, innocent and uncontaminated, children of God without blemish in the midst of a [morally] crooked and [spiritually] perverted generation, among whom you are seen as bright lights [beacons shining out clearly] in the world [of darkness]. Philippians 2:14

This scripture became my lifeline, every time I was tempted to despair I would remind myself to trust in God’s providence even though this didn’t seem to have an end in site or any solution that worked. I hated sitting in the dark with him to get him to sleep, but any light would stimulate him and make him stare at it. One afternoon when I was rocking him in the dark with the block-out curtains down in our room I had left the door open because I didn’t want to be in total darkness – not again. It just so happened that the light from the sun moved onto the door and that little light softly and beautifully illuminated our room as my son slept and I bounced…I had been using the time on the ball to pray, and I felt like God was telling me that it may be dark on the ball on this side, but in the spirit realm we were a ball of light because the Holy Spirit was in us and all around us.

Finally when my baby was six weeks old I decided I had to pump and bottle feed in order for my nipple to heal. This led to 2 things, I researched how many ounces a day my baby should be getting and solutions for how to get my baby to stop pinching my nipples. That is when I read that a baby that pinches a nipple can constrict the flow of milk so that it is like they are drinking out of a coffee straw…then later that night I saw an article that listed signs of a starving baby – stick like limbs, green watery poop etc. I conducted some experiments with changing his nursing position and did conclude that he was constricting the flow, my heart felt so heavy, broken within me. Sure enough once I started bottle-feeding he started sleeping!!! I had brought him to the doctor several times in January but it was never caught that he was failing to thrive because God gave Caleb strength to stay awake way more than a newborn should to eat constantly and for long periods of time in order to survive and not start losing weight. I don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t had that strength, I don’t want to know, God gave him what he needed. Praise God that HE knew and HE provided a shot of caffeine everyday for my baby to help him stay awake and keep on fighting. The LORD IS my son’s strength.

During this time of serious sleep deprivation I learned a lot about the cleft of the Rock. It is not a hard, cold place, like a cold but safe cave in rock. It is not just a safe place, or just a comfortable place, it is literally being held in the arms of God Himself. He did provide, even in the tough times and the smallest of ways throughout that time. We each have a choice whether or not to radically trust God even when it feels like our prayers aren’t being answered and when we are under intense physical and mental pressure. If we do decide to set our heart on trusting and obeying Him then He WILL provide. He IS Jehovah Jireh. It may not feel like he is providing, it certainly didn’t when I gave my non-sleeping baby caffeine everyday and when my breast continued to get worse than better – but God used that breast to make me pump and bottle-feed, and that was what my baby needed.

The bottle-feeding honeymoon didn’t last long, my baby had a constant stream of milk coming out of both corners of his mouth and he would scream and scream when he was eating from the amount of air he was swallowing. Apparently his high palate made bottle-feeding difficult, not just nursing. I felt desperate, how was I supposed to feed my baby! I resorted to using a syringe, but once again God stopped in and helped me find the haberman bottle online, the first time I tried to buy it I got the notification that it wouldn’t ship to Alaska. But then a few hours later apparently that company changed their minds cause I got free expedited shipping with Amazon Prime. Then a few weeks later I found a place where they were on clearance locally, still expensive, but cheaper than Amazon! Once again the providence of Jehovah Jireh saved my baby and made it easier on me than having to just wash and clean 3 bottles over and over, 5 was much easier to handle. 🙂

Then the snacking began. The new bottle prevented air intake and decreased the choking, sputtering and gagging, plus the flow of milk all over out of his mouth, neck and chest, but then it felt like we were going back to eating all the time and having a hard time sleeping. I started researching online and I found a blog about silent reflux. It sounded like what was going on and would explain the intermittent projectile vomiting, the on-going coughing – both without any indication of sickness…the gagging and choking. I made a same day appointment…but the doctor wasn’t so sure, but he scheduled a swallow test. In the meantime the snacking and everything continued. I felt like I should try to put him on a schedule, but he was a newborn still and feed on demand was what I was told over and over. It wasn’t until his therapist had me try to get him to eat faster and he started to projectile vomit again that we were given the green light to a feeding schedule vs the rooting. Apparently silent refluxers may eat to comfort themselves and tend to overeat! This made a huge difference, my son started to actually eat, play then sleep – at two months old we finally started to leave chaos behind and enter into a lifestyle that would allow us to leave the house and get more sleep (we were getting more than his first moth, but his naps were so short still and the nights were still frequent waking as well because he was never full from the snacking habit). Miraculously my baby even started sleeping 6 hours sometimes, and then by 3 months 8 hours at night! This was the same baby that pretty much did NOT sleep his first month of life without major intervention and then not well at all his second month…miraculous!

Around the time that I started bottle-feeding my baby’s oxygen started to desaturate again, the car seat, the changing table, while he napped. This in addition to coughing, gagging, choking. The doctors were not sure what was the direct cause of the desats and he stayed on the caffeine. Grunting in his sleep, cyanosis, and his heart heart had started to drop on top of everything. Things were going to start getting invasive if the doctors couldn’t find an answer soon. On March 1 sent out a prayer alert asking for prayer for quick answers, that night I started to cry as my son slept soundly with oxygen at just 92% for an hour and pale…but then I felt like I should praise God in faith and so I did. Then the next night that song, the one from his birth, came on and I felt like God wanted me to sing that song again, I was tempted to go brush my teeth and pump etc. but I started to sing “There is Power in the Name of Jesus” and to pray, and to declare healing for my baby – and I felt the Spirit move. I prayed hard over every part of him, for his heart, his lungs, his throat, his brain, his mouth, his tongue, his larynx, his esophagus, his trachea, his bronchial tubes – to be under the authority of the Holy Spirit – in subject to God and for there to be complete and utter healing – here is the email I sent out the next day:

Thank you everyone for praying, I’m putting my faith in God for complete and utter healing and deliverance as of last night in, as Laverne says the immaculate name of Jesus Christ. I wanted answers,  but now I just want the upcoming tests to be ones that show this healing and for his pulse oximeter to be redeemed from a device of alarm and fear to be one of joy, a testimony of the power of our Jesus Christ. Pray for me as I rely on God’s strength to keep my shield of faith raised over my household in praise of our God. Thank you Terri for the words of promise in Psalm 91 to pray over my son, God is good and He WILL be massively glorified through Caleb Gabriel. Praise the Lord for His providence, for His healing and for His authority over our every breathe.
For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen. —‭Romans‬ ‭11:36

God answers prayer. Caleb’s oxygen started doing well, really well, 96, 97% except one night when I struggled with fear and it was at 94%. The quick answers also began. The green watery poo had come back and I was suspecting the fat content in my milk was low because we had been busy with appointments so I had allowed myself to go long periods without pumping because I was getting enough volume for multiple bottles. I decided to do formula for a few days so i could get my pumping back on track and the fat content back up. I noticed Caleb’s fussiness increase a lot. Then my husband accidentally bought a pro-sensitive formula. I decided to give it a try. We immediately saw a decrease in fussiness and not only fussiness but his grunting while he was eating, plus the raised patch of dry skin between his eyes started to look better and more like just a patch of dry peeling skin versus raised like a wart or something….I decided to buy some liquid alementum and try that for two weeks instead of the pro-senstive…before my eyes I watched the skin between my sons eyebrows turn smooth  in just an afternoon, even though I’d been putting oil on it for weeks…AND his oxygen shot up to 98, 99, 100% at night during deep sleep!!!! PLUS his lips turned red, dark beautiful red! I’ve looked back at past photos and can find some with color in his lips, but most of the time they were pink, or even less than pink sometimes…I had just gotten used to seeing pale lips…my heart breaks when I realize this but then deeply and profoundly rejoices because again GOD KNEW what color lips he gave my son and GOD SAVES and if our GOD IS FOR US WHO CAN BE AGAINST US? Once again God used what looked like a problem with my milk to provide an answer, once again I was floored. There IS Power in the Name of Jesus, let me say it again — there is POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS, to break EVERY chain!! I immediately started an elimination duet and decided to ask the doctor once again to let Caleb go off the caffeine and to not start a new medication that was already at the pharmacy – but get this had been delayed so that we had to wait to pick it up AFTER the weekend that my husband bought the wrong formula. That’s right. In light of the obvious change linked to diet we got to go off caffeine – cold turkey – no weaning, this is after a .10 ml a week weaning had been scheduled and then postponed. Praise the Lord!

THEN on Sunday the 12th I had determined to meet a friend at her church, it would be the first time Caleb and I went to church since he was born. Another friend Barb had told me she went to another church and I decided I would visit that one the next week with her. Well God had other plans, he had a divine appointment you see for Caleb and I to testify. It is by the blood of the lamb and our testimony that we triumph over the enemy! Caleb was crying and the other church was closer so I decided to go there instead of the one I had planned on, turns out it was a testimony service. Caleb and I had never attended that church before, but I felt like God wanted me to get up. Fear and doubt didn’t want me to so I made sure to get up and be the very first person to go – obey God fast and let the Holy Spirit to the talking (can I get an amen?!). Later during the testimony service the pastor actually stopped and said he had a song to sing for someone, a promise from God. I believe this was a promise for Caleb and I. I had never heard this song before, but now I’m declaring it, not just singing it!

Be not dismayed whatever betide
God will take care of you
Beneath His wings of love abide
God will take care of you

God will take care of you
Through everyday o’er all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you

Through days of toil when heart doth fail
God will take care of you
When dangers fierce your path assail
God will take care of you

God will take care of you
Through everyday o’er all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you

God will take care of you
He will
God will take care of you
He will

“So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

Praise God. Again I say praise Him and rejoice. Dance and sing for joy!