Rainbows and Teardrops

The joy of the Lord is our strength…but what about those days, those seasons where it feels like joy is an elusive idea rather than a feeling we can attain? To wear a garment of joy and thankfulness can be so hard sometimes. But, it is not our own joy, it is the Joy of the Lord inside of us that is our strength. Joy is a divinely powerful weapon for the destruction of strongholds. Habakkuk 3:17-19 talks about how we can rejoice in the Lord even in midst of extreme suffering.

Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls,

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation!

The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!

We can always rejoice in God for our salvation. We can always worship Him for His blood that He shed. Jesus gave EVERYTHING up to purchase us for Himself. He literally crucified it all, his life, his breathe and with his own blood he paid for us so we could be rescued by Him….so even if everything else is taken from us, we will always have Him as our inheritance, the one that sacrificed it all because of His radical love.

So even if you are crying and even if it doesn’t feel like a happy song we can still raise our hallelujah. We can still praise Him who is surrounded by a rainbow upon His throne in heaven.

And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. Revelation 4:3 

I like to think about how a rainbow is formed through the droplets of rain in the atmosphere…it takes moisture, it takes water in the air to make a rainbow. God’s word says that those of us that are vessels of the Holy Spirit are lights in the darkness…When our circumstances or our seasons makes us shed tears, if we raise our hallelujah in spite of it all – even if that hallelujah sounds more like a pitiful croak or whimper – if we choose to praise Him simply because He IS, then that light shines brighter and brighter through those tears and maybe, just maybe a rainbow begins to form in the spirit realm, a rainbow of His joy can rise up and out of the storm of our sobbing and tears. We can be lifted up and out through a rainbow of our praise.

Let’s worship Him together, in the midst of our storms let’s praise Him. Let’s make a rainbow of praise as we declare that His banner of victory is Love, even if we can’t see it, even if we can’t feel it we can sing it, we can declare it in the name of Jesus.

Hallelujah.

Joy in the Wilderness

During my journey through the wilderness of infertility God was with me every step of the way. He led me in, just as He has led me out. Just as He provided for Elijah in Kerith Ravine, God sent me His Spirit and His truth to feed me and to sustain me even as my womb remained barren and void of life, like a drought – a drought I had been born with. When the test results had first come back showing that I wasn’t ovulating and that I wasn’t creating the hormone levels needed to create nor sustain a pregnancy I had a choice. Would I decide what I was going to do next, or would I let God decide what I was going to do.

God tests us in the wilderness to see if we are truly fully devoted to Him, if we have a heart toward Him like Joshua and Caleb had even as they marched back into the wilderness away from the Promised Land. To be fully devoted to God is to be fully devoted to His authority, to His Lordship over everything, including the decisions we make. I determined to wait upon the Lord and to only do what I felt sure He was OK with me doing in my efforts to become a mom. Ultimately I was brought to the crossroads that even though this had been a dream of mine my whole life that if it was not God’s will, then God’s will be done. I had to submit to the pain of a failed attempt at pregnancy over and over again and declare that God was good, no matter what. The thing that amazed me in all of this was that God taught me about His goodness in the midst of the wilderness. He taught me by allowing me to experience the depth and the love of His goodness when I all I had was Him. He taught me that He was more than enough.

When I took that really hard step and declared that God was good, as I cried and sobbed my heart upon the floor I should add…God responded by bolstering me up in Him, by doubling my portion of faith and by filling my heart with joy–joy in Him. We can have joy in the wilderness. It all just depends on whether or not we will say:

Have your way in me oh Lord.

…

A few weeks ago a pastor in my life, Clay Gatlin, shared a message out of Proverbs and spoke about God’s authority and determination of “our vat”. How big our vat is, and whether it is overflowing or not. This could mean a myriad of things for each of us, our income, our health, whatever our lot. For me it was my womb, God has spent almost the past 6 years teaching me and bringing me into a deeper awareness of His authority over my womb and over my fertility. He did this through a womb that remained barren and lifeless year after year. It has been a journey of sorrow for sure, but one that I’m thankful for because God brought me so much closer to Him and to a place of trust. He taught me about the great wealth of His goodness as He challenged and grew my faith in regards to His love and goodness. When I stepped out and declared God’s goodness over my circumstances, no matter what–I felt such an immeasurable level of peace and joy in the Lord, a peace and joy that sustained me and healed my heart even in the midst of a barren “vat”.

I’m so excited to tell you that my husband and I are expecting. After 5 1/2 of trying, and almost to the end of the time I was willing to go through the emotional roller coaster anymore, lo and behold God has filled my vat to overflow with life! When Pastor Clay spoke about how some of us have small vats and others have big vats and that we shouldn’t compare our vats that really resounded with me because God doesn’t want me to compare my vat with with other women’s vats, other women who will be blessed abundantly in their fertility. I just need to keep my eyes on God and rejoice in Him during this most amazing season in my life as my vat is literally bursting forth (my belly is surely growing and I love it)! I love the my vat is physically growing as a living testimony of God’s perfect timing and goodness. 🙂 I am soooo incredibly thankful to God for my baby and I love him so much already.

We each have our place to serve and to bring glory to God in the kingdom before He calls us home. I rejoice with women who have been called by God to bear many children. I rejoice in God for the place that He has for me in His kingdom as well. I rejoice with all women for the place that He has for each of us as His dearly beloved bride. Oh how deep and how wide is the love and the passion of our bridegroom for each of us. Lose yourself in Him. Catch your reflection in His tender gaze. We are each so precious in His sight, the apple of His eye.